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The Interview

INT. JERRY’S APARTMENT – DAY

The door swings open, and Kramer struts in, sporting golf attire. 

JERRY: (curiously) Hey, Kramer, golfing attire? Aren’t you and Newman hitting the game today?

KRAMER: (with enthusiasm) No doubleheaders for us, Jerry. Newman and I are taking advantage of the WFH life.

STEVE: (perplexed) WFH? You mean “work from home”?

KRAMER: (nodding sagely) Exactly! The golf courses are packed these days. All those telecommuters looking to squeeze in a round between Zoom calls.

JERRY:  Newman’s a mailman. How does a mailman work from home?  And you don’t even have a job.

STEVE: (raising an eyebrow) Wait, if they’re working from home, how are they golfing?

KRAMER: (confidently) You’re not seeing the big picture. When you work from home, you don’t actually work from home. It’s all about the mobile office. Emails on the back nine, conference calls from the fairway. It’s a whole new ball game. You know, a lot of people are working 4 day weeks now.

JERRY: Yeah, like Newman apparently.

STEVE: (slowly processing) So, let me get this straight. They’re not really working from home; they’re just playing hooky on the golf course?

KRAMER: (grinning proudly) Bingo, Steve! It’s the WFH loophole.

JERRY: I was actually thinking of hitting the baseball game.

STEVE: You can have the owner’s box. I’m doing a TV appearance on CNBC today so it’s free.

INT. INTERVIEW ROOM – DAY

Steve sits across from the interviewer, his expression slightly tense as the interviewer prepares to question him about the Mets’ rough start to the season.

INTERVIEWER: (leaning forward) So, Steve, tough break for the Mets, huh? Starting the season 0-4?

Steve shifts uncomfortably in his seat, but maintains a composed demeanor as he responds.

STEVE: (with forced nonchalance) Well, you know, it’s only four games into the season, right? Nobody wants to start 0-4. But, you know, it’s early, right? And, you know, during the season you’re going to have losing streaks. We just happen to have one at the beginning.

The interviewer nods, but there’s a hint of skepticism in their expression.

INTERVIEWER: (raising an eyebrow) Losing streaks at the beginning, huh? That’s not exactly the momentum you want to set for the season, is it, Steve?

Steve’s forced smile wavers slightly, sensing the interviewer’s doubt.

STEVE: (defensively) Well, you know, baseball is a long season. We’ve got plenty of time to turn things around.  You don’t want to have it at the end, right? I mean, look at the 2007 Mets. Much better to lose games at the beginning. You want to lose at the beginning. Much better.

The interviewer nods, but their skepticism remains.

INTERVIEWER: But then don’t fans lose confidence? I understand Monday night’s attendance was the lowest ever at Citi Field outside of the pandemic.

Steve hesitates for a moment, then offers an explanation that’s part justification, part diversion.

STEVE: (quickly) Well, you see, people are working a four-day workweek now.

The interviewer looks puzzled.

INTERVIEWER: A four-day workweek?

Steve nods enthusiastically, seizing the opportunity to steer the conversation in a different direction.

STEVE: Yes, a four-day workweek. And that’s why I’m investing in golf!  The golf courses are packed these days! All those telecommuters looking to squeeze in a round between Zoom calls.

The interviewer raises an eyebrow, unsure whether to take Steve seriously or not. Steve’s attempt to deflect the conversation with humor leaves an awkward silence hanging in the air.

INT. NEW YORK CITY STREET – DAY

Elaine strolls down a bustling New York City street, taking in the sights and sounds of the city. Suddenly, she spots a familiar face ahead.

ELAINE: (muttering to herself) Pete ? What’s he doing here?

As she gets closer, Elaine notices something unusual about Pete’s behavior. He’s standing on the sidewalk, holding a sign that reads “Free Hugs!” and enthusiastically beckoning passersby.

ELAINE: (raising an eyebrow) Free hugs? What’s gotten into him?

Curious, Elaine approaches Pete, who flashes her a bright smile.

PETE : Hey there! Free hugs for everyone!

Elaine eyes the sign skeptically, then glances around at the puzzled expressions of the people passing by.

INT. TV STUDIO – DAY

INTERVIEWER: So, Steve, let’s talk about your role in the Mets’ baseball decisions. Some fans are wondering how involved you are in those choices.

Steve leans back slightly, adjusting his posture as he considers his response.

STEVE: You know, people think that I’m making – I’m not making the decisions. My baseball people are making the decisions. My job is to, you know, when they – they need me to support their decision, you know, they come to me and say, this is what I want to do. I’ve never said “no” to anything. And so – I mean we have discussions and we talk about it, but I’m not – I’m not making – you know, those ideas are not coming from me.

INTERVIEWER: So, it wasn’t your idea not to sign Ohtani?

Steve shifts in his seat, a slight unease creeping into his demeanor.

STEVE: You have to understand, he didn’t call.

The interviewer’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise.

INTERVIEWER: He didn’t call?

Steve nods emphatically, a hint of frustration in his voice.

STEVE: That’s right. I don’t call free agents, they call me.

The interviewer scribbles notes furiously, processing Steve’s revelation.

 INTERVIEWER:: Does money buy winning?

STEVE:  Well, clearly – clearly not. If you’re trying to build a team through free agency, that’s such a tough place to be because you’re – you’re fighting the aging curve. You’re buying players based on their previous history, but they’re getting older. As they get older, performance over time declines. And so it’s a tough place to be.

INTERVIEWER:  And yet the last few years you tried to build through free agency.

STEVE:  Ah yes, well that was the old General Manager.  Again, I don’t make the decisions, I just hire the people that make the decisions.

INTERVIEWER::  And then they make the poor decisions. Famously. If things are not going well, you cut your losses. Can you do that in baseball?

STEVE: Well, I kind of did it last year, right?

INTERVIEWER: Right. You kind of did.

STEVE: Kind of did. Kind of did.

INTERVIEWER:  Right. You did.

STEVE:  Kind of did. Kind of did.

INTERVIEWER: Let me ask you this though. One of the pieces or component parts is the future of betting in the business. Real estate. One of the things that is in play with Citi Field – Is this idea that you might be able to build a 50-acre, both park and mall and all sorts of things. And a –

STEVE: Not a mall. Not a mall. Not a mall.

INTERVIEWER: And a casino.

STEVE: OK.

INTERVIEWER: And a casino.

STEVE: OK.

INTERVIEWER: Well, it’s a casino, isn’t it? On parkland.

STEVE:  We call it an entertainment complex. Music, gaming, 1,500 hotel rooms, a 25-acre park. We’re going to build a separate area where fans can go and go to restaurants. Yes.

INTERVIEWER: And a casino. On parkland.

STEVE: Well, you can’t spend $8 billion and have a bunch of restaurants. That’s not going to work, OK? So, you need – you need an economic engine.

INTERVIEWER: Like a casino.  On parkland.

STEVE: OK.

INTERVIEWER: How do you feel about betting as it relates to sports?

STEVE: Yes.

INTERVIEWER: I mean the reason I ask is Ohtani’s in the news, right?

STEVE: Yes.

INTERVIEWER: I’m curious what you think happened there, but –

STEVE:  I – I have no idea, but I’m going to trust him.

INTERVIEWER: You’re going to trust him?

STEVE: I’m going to trust him.

INTERVIEWER: You’re going to trust him?

STEVE:: I’m going to trust him.

INTERVIEWER: Because?

STEVE: I trust him.

INTERVIEWER: But you’ve never spoken to him, because he didn’t call.

STEVE:  No, but I trust him!

INTERVIEWER: Steve, we want to thank you for being here. It’s been – it’s been great to have this conversation.

STEVE: It was good – good to be here.

INTERVIEWER: We hope to do this again in the future.

STEVE: OK. Sure. I’m available next week.

INTERVIEWER: You’re available next week?

STEVE: Yes.  Anytime you want Stevie boy to come by, you just ask.

 

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Mets Mendoza Watch Watch Watch

David Stearns seen here with his first choice manager Carlos Mendoza.

The Mets season is a disaster and everyone knows it.  It’s April 3rd and in the Post, Joel Sherman slipped this in.

So can Carlos Mendoza, who considered hiring Randolph as his bench coach, offer the same kind of revival in his first year removed from being Aaron Boone’s consigliere?

That my friends, begins the Carlos Mendoza Watch Watch Watch.

If you’re new, let me explain:

A Mendoza Watch would be when the writing is on the wall.  That’s not this.

A Mendoza Watch Watch would be when the press starts to float the idea that the issue is the manager.  This is not this.

A Mendoza Watch Watch Watch is when I keep an eye out for signs of a Mendoza Watch Watch.

Now you’re saying – this is crazy, it’s only been 4 games.

Sure.

But Carlos is an untried manager, and John Gibbons is sitting right there.

Sooner or later Steve is going to realize he screwed up and should have kept Buck Showalter, instead of having his Craig Counsell fantasy to appease former Wilpons intern David Stearns.

When Counsell blew the Mets off, Mendoza got the job and the Mets tied to spin it like that was the plan all along.

Steve will eventually be forced to admit this.  It might be October 2025.  It might be August 2024.  It might be May 1st.

 

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The Window

INT. CITI FIELD – STEVE’S OFFICE – LATE TUESDAY AFTERNOON

Steve is sitting at his desk, looking at the forecast on his computer. David enters the office, carrying a stack of papers.

STEVE: (gesturing towards the forecast) David, have you seen this? It’s supposed to pour tonight.

DAVID: (nodding) Yeah, I’ve been keeping an eye on it. But there’s actually a small window of opportunity between 7 and 9 pm.

STEVE: (skeptically) A window, huh?

DAVID: (optimistically) Exactly! Like those rare moments when the Mets actually have a winning streak.

STEVE: (chuckling) Alright, you’re the stats man. I’ll trust you on this one. But if it starts raining cats and dogs, don’t come crying to me!

David nods confidently as they both share a laugh, preparing for the unpredictable weather ahead. Steve returns his focus to his computer screen, contemplating the decision to trust the statistics.

NT. CITI FIELD – STEVE’S OFFICE – TUESDAY 9 PM

David enters the office, shaking his head in disappointment. Steve looks up from his computer with a skeptical expression.

DAVID: Well, it seems the window didn’t quite materialize. We might as well call it a night.

STEVE: (exasperated) I thought you said there was a window, David. You’re the stats guy. What happened to all those probabilities?

DAVID: (sheepishly) Hey, even the best hitters strike out sometimes, Steve. It’s all part of the game.

STEVE: (sarcastically) Oh, great analogy, David. So now we’re batting .000 with weather predictions?

DAVID: (grinning) Well, at least we’re consistent.

INT. JERRY’S APARTMENT

Steve looks a bit disheveled, clearly having been caught in the rain.

JERRY: (teasing) You look soaked, Steve. Were you out in the rain for two hours like the poor Mets fans?

STEVE: (rolling his eyes) Haha, very funny.

JERRY: (smirking) Why don’t you just put a dome on the stadium? That would solve all your problems.

STEVE: (sighing) It’s not that simple, Jerry. Putting a dome on Citi Field would be expensive.

JERRY: I thought you were a billionaire.

STEVE: (chuckling) I already lost $300 million on this team, how much do you want me to lose? Do you want me to just be a multi-millionaire?

Suddenly, Kramer bursts through the door, his face beaming with excitement.

KRAMER: (enthusiastically) Hey, hey, hey! I’ve got it, guys! You know how they used to have those umbrellas over the stadium in Montreal? Well, what if we did the same thing for Citi Field?

Jerry shoots Steve a knowing look.

In a short tag scene before the credits, we see Pete in a downpour, recreating the dance moves from Singing In The Rain.

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The Troll Toll


INT. JERRY’S APARTMENT – DAY

Kramer bursts into Jerry’s apartment with an urgent expression, catching Steve off guard as he’s engrossed in his phone.

KRAMER: Whoa, Steve, the social media team is getting pretty edgy.

Steve looks up from his phone, bewildered.

STEVE: (perplexed) Edgy? What are you talking about, Kramer?

KRAMER: The tweet, Steve! The one about the troll toll.

STEVE: (alarmed) Troll toll? I have no idea what you’re talking about.

ELAINE:  Oh, isn’t that from “It’s Always Sunny”? You know, “The Nightman Cometh“?

JERRY: (nodding) Oh, that show. Four losers hanging around doing nothing.

ELAINE (sings the lyrics): You gotta pay the troll toll, if you wanna get into that boy’s hole

JERRY:  Benes, what on earth are you singing?

ELAINE:  The Troll Toll.  The Nightman Cometh episode.  The one in which Charlie..you know….

STEVE: (frustrated) I didn’t authorize that tweet! How could they do this?

INT. STEVE’S OFFICE – DAY

Steve sits behind his desk, furrowing his brow at his computer screen as David enters.

STEVE: David, come in. Close the door.

David steps inside, a proud grin on his face, holding a document in his hand.

DAVID: Hey, Steve! You’ve got to check this out. We unveiled the new lightshow for Edwin Diaz. It’s going to be a game-changer for our bullpen marketing.

STEVE: (raising an eyebrow)  That seems… a bit much, don’t you think?

David’s smile falters slightly, but he quickly recovers, still enthusiastic about the project.

DAVID: Oh, trust me, Steve. This is going to be huge. We’re talking next-level fan engagement here.

STEVE: (leaning back in his chair) But David, it wasn’t even a save situation. Why are we putting so much emphasis on Diaz?

David takes a deep breath, clearly ready to defend his idea.

DAVID: I get what you’re saying, Steve. But think about it from a strategic standpoint. The win probability of a scoreless 9th inning jumps to nearly 60%!.

STEVE: (skeptically) But David, let’s not forget one crucial detail here. We lost.  In fact, we haven’t won a single game yet this season.

DAVID: Oh, that reminds me, we have 4000 leftover rugby shirts from the giveaway. Looks like we didn’t get to 15,000 fans.  Should I give the extras  to Father Michael for charity?

STEVE: (nodding) I’ll take care of it.

INT. CITI FIELD CHAPLAIN’S OFFICE – DAY

STEVE: (enters, holding a box of rugby shirts) Father Michael, I’d like to donate these 4000 extra rugby shirts. Seems we have some leftovers.

FR. MICHAEL: (frosty) No thank you.

STEVE: No thank you?

FR. MICHAEL: Steve, if your social media team is going to tweet things about little boys, I don’t think I can associate with you anymore.

Steve’s expression changes from confusion to realization as he recalls the controversial tweet.

 

INT. GROCERY STORE – DAY

Kramer pushes his cart down the aisle, scanning the shelves for his favorite snacks. Suddenly, he spots Pete in the produce section, engrossed in a playful game of tossing oranges into his shopping cart.

Kramer stops in his tracks, his eyes widening in disbelief as he watches Pete’s antics.

KRAMER: (under his breath) What in the…

He stands there for a moment, utterly bewildered by the sight of the Mets player goofing off with fruit. After a beat, he shakes his head, chuckles to himself, and continues on his shopping journey, leaving Pete to his citrus-based shenanigans.

INT. METS FRONT OFFICE – DAY

Steve strides purposefully through the bustling office, heading straight for the desk of the Social Media Intern, a young man named Chad, who’s fervently typing away on his computer.

STEVE: (clearing his throat) Chad, we need to talk.

Chad looks up, a bright grin on his face, eager to receive feedback from the boss.

CHAD: (excitedly) Hey, Mr. Steve! What’s up?

STEVE: (serious) I saw that tweet about the “troll toll.” It’s a bit… too much.

Chad’s grin fades, replaced by a look of confusion.

CHAD: But Mr. Steve, it’s edgy! It’s what the fans want!

STEVE: (shaking his head) Not our style, Chad. The Mets have an upstanding reputation to uphold. Our values are a little more restrained.

Chad nods reluctantly, understanding the feedback.

CHAD: Okay, got it. So, what do you think about this instead?

Chad swiftly navigates to another image on his screen, this time revealing a series of provocative photos featuring the new Mets dance team in sultry poses.

STEVE: (alarmed) Whoa, whoa, whoa! Not that either, Chad!

Steve recoils slightly, trying to shield his eyes from the risqué images.

CHAD: (sheepishly) Oh, right. Maybe a bit too… spicy?

STEVE: (firmly) Definitely too spicy. We’re promoting a family-friendly environment here, Chad. Let’s keep it professional.

CHAD: (nodding fervently) Understood, Mr. Steve. I’ll find something more suitable.

Chad quickly closes the inappropriate images and scrolls through his files, searching for a more appropriate option.

CHAD: Okay, got it. So, what do you think about this instead?

Chad presents a new graphic on his screen, this time featuring a wholesome image of Mets fans enjoying a day at the ballpark, cheering on their favorite team.

STEVE: (smiling) Now, that’s more like it, Chad. Nice work.

Steve gives Chad an approving nod, pleased with the change in direction.

CHAD: Thanks, Mr. Steve! I’ll make sure to post this one right away. I just need to add a few tweaks.

STEVE: (smiling) You do that.  Good work.

INT. JERRY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

Jerry is playing on his phone reading the Mets twitter account when he sees Chad’s new image of a group of Mets fans holding a banner.

JERRY: (sitting on the couch, engrossed in his phone) Oh boy.

.