It is April 2018. The Mets have started 11-1. Completely unexpectedly, new manager Mickey Hodges Callaway resigns. Even stranger, the Mets replace him with….
A monkey.
Now all the monkey has to do is have the Mets go .500 and the Mets will win 86 games.
What will the monkey need to do?
MAKE LINEUPS. Monkeys aren’t that good at making lineups. The good news is that most teams are using analytics, so we can just have the computer generate the lineups and we should be good. The monkey also won’t make things up like Pete Alonso needs rest 5 games into the season or whatever last year’s equivalent was.
IN GAME STRATEGY. Nope. The bench coach can handle this. The monkey just has to sit there.
PITCHING STUFF. Rotation wise, the SPs can run themselves. Just out 1-2-3-4-5. Repeat. In game, pitching coaches can handle this. Have a banana.
TALK TO/DISTRACT THE MEDIA. Wait, is Thor being pissy about travel? Who cares – the stupid cheap Mets hired a monkey to run the team!
The Mets lost and a stupid monkey is here not answering Gelbs’ questions in the post game presser? The press will rage at the Wilpons.
Good job by the monkey, the media is taking the heat away from the players.
Do managers actually do anything else? I can’t think of anything. So given that in any game there is a 50 percent chance of winning and a 50 percent chance of losing, the Mets should have played .500 under the monkey and won 86 games.
Makes one scratch their head about what the hell went on last year.
