The Mets Police

Congrats to former Mets manager Carlos Beltran of making The Hall of Fame.  I guess he will go in as a Met, unless he decides he wants to succeed George Brett as Mr. Royals…but the money is in Queens.

Anyway, the 2006 and 2007 Mets had FOUR Hall of Famers.   Beltran, Glavine, Pedro and Bill Wagner.

Generally, if you have FOUR Hall of Famers on a team you should win something.

Anyway, for all the crap you guys give the Wilpons. they fielded a team with FOUR Hall of Famers.   Does Uncle Steve do that?  He does not.

INT. JERRY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

Jerry is on the couch flipping through channels waiting for the Knicks to come on at 10.. Steve bursts in, excited!

STEVE: Jerry, do you see the smoke?!

JERRY: Smoke? What smoke?

STEVE: The smoke, Jerry! The buzz! The chatter!

JERRY: You mean that burnt bagel smell from downstairs?

STEVE: No! The baseball smoke! Something big is happening!

JERRY: Oh, good. I thought we were evacuating.

STEVE: We made a massive offer. Historic.

JERRY: How historic?

STEVE: Like… museum wing historic.

JERRY: That didn’t work out so great.

STEVE: Kyle Tucker.

Jerry stops flipping.

JERRY: Kyle Tucker?

STEVE: That’s right. The paperwork is being signed as we speak.

JERRY: You sound very confident.

STEVE: I am confident. I can feel it.

JERRY: You felt Ohtani too.

STEVE: Different feeling.

JERRY: Same phone?

STEVE: This one’s locked in. Locked!

JERRY: Did he call you?

STEVE: …No.

JERRY: Then why are you smiling?

STEVE: Because I made an impression.

JERRY:You always make an impression. Just never the right one.

Door flies open — Kramer skids in  

KRAMER: Guys, guys, guys!

STEVE: (grinning) Here it comes! The confirmation!

KRAMER: Passan just tweeted!

STEVE: See?! SEE?!

KRAMER: Kyle Tucker… Dodgers.

Dead silence.

STEVE: What?

KRAMER: Signed. Los Angeles.

STEVE: No. No, that’s impossible.

JERRY: Why? It’s been a possible every off-season since you started trying to sign free agents.

STEVE: They were signing paperwork!

KRAMER: Yeah, just not your paperwork.

STEVE: This can’t be right.

JERRY: You wanna refresh?

STEVE: I don’t need to refresh!

KRAMER: You should refresh.

Steve snatches Kramer’s phone, reads. His face collapses.

STEVE: Dodgers… again?!

JERRY: You’re like their minor league system.

STEVE: I made a serious offer!

JERRY: So does every car dealership.

STEVE: I flew people in!

JERRY: You gotta start flying them out.

STEVE: He was THIS close!

JERRY: Everyone is “this close” to not being a Met.

Steve sinks onto the couch.

STEVE: I don’t get it.

KRAMER: It’s simple, Steve. The Dodgers have… (gestures grandly)…the magic.

STEVE: I have money!

JERRY: Yeah, but they have wins.

STEVE: They didn’t even call me!

JERRY: Nobody calls you, Steve.

STEVE: I wait by the phone!

JERRY: So does Domino’s.

 

Steve….save the money.

Nobody is excited about Kyle Tucker.  Just rebuild and wait for the young pitchers to rebuild.  You already annoyed the fanbase with the off-season moves, and nobody cares about Tucker.

I am not kidding, I had to google him to find out who he is.  Apparently he is Kevin McReynolds.

 

And those numbers were playing half the games at Wrigley.   THAT means at Citi Field we’re looking at a 16 Home Run $50,000,000 season, and THAT won’t go over well.

I can almost hear the boos starting Game 3.

Steve, if these are the numbers you wanted, why didn’t you just pay Pete?  I am by no means the biggest Pete fan, but even I will admit he can PUT That up.  At least you would have had a home grown Met you could market even if the person in question is Vulgar.

I’m sure Kyle Tucker is a lovely person, but what are you even doing?  $50M for a guy I had to look up????  And why don’t the Cubs want him back???

While you guys are chasing Alex Cohen off the internet, you should be reading Casino.org who tell us.  the Bloomberg editorial board has written:

Unlike other entertainment options, moreover, casinos impose outsized costs on nongamblers. They tend to increase crime, an effect that worsens over time. They’re likely to boost bankruptcy rates. Because they’re reliant on problem or at-risk gamblers for up to 90% of their revenue, they’re associated with a host of other public expenses, including for courts, emergency services, unemployment, bad debts, and more. By one analysis, the social costs of casinos exceed the economic benefits by a factor of six,” the Editorial Board wrote.

It makes one wonder why someone would hand over parkland to a billionaire to build a casino.

The way I see this going is that the casino gets built, and the first year is all kinds of articles about how great it is and how the area looks nicer and all that.

Then a second year of the novelty.

Then people stop going except the diseased gamblers type…..and the long slow drift into being en eye-sore.

 

 

 

Steve Cohen wants you to know the Mets are budgeting for waiver claims.

The co-owner also thinks some people are idiots.  It is unclear to me who these people are.

 

I imagine mentioning the Post will not go well for Mr. Cohen.