Look at this dumb-ass post. What the hell has happened to the Mets social team? Such garbage. Did you even look at the image?
Mets don’t know what orange and blue looks like
The Mets, as always, waited too long
Congrats to Lee Mazzilli on making the Mets HOF.
I wish I felt more about this. I idolized Lee growing up. I own the poster I used in this image. Lee was everything during those postSeaver years…
…and yet, the Mets (and MLB in general) have managed to make me not care. I can’t be bothered to go out there today. Or watch. Or stop my other plans to check in on it. Or summon up 1000 meaningful words about Lee.
I was glad he got to come back in 1986 to collect that ring!
I don’t have it in me to even fake a post this morning, so I will just say congrats Lee, and thanks for all the memories.
A video about The Casino you could watch
I don’t know anything about this man other than this video. I like his choice of jersey.
Some of you who don’t pay attention might find this video enlightening.
(Also, welcome to KNICKS TOWN!)
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The Cockfight
INT. JERRY’S APARTMENT – DAY – OCTOBER 2025
JERRY is on the couch flipping channels. ELAINE sits nearby eating takeout. There’s a strange scratching sound coming from the hallway.
JERRY: You hear that?
ELAINE: Sounds like someone trying to smuggle a squirrel through airport security.
The door BURSTS open. KRAMER slides in carrying a pet carrier covered with a blanket. NEWMAN follows, sweaty and nervous.
JERRY: Alright. What’s going on here?
NEWMAN: Nothing’s going on.
The carrier lets out a loud SCREECH.
ELAINE: That doesn’t sound like “nothing.”
KRAMER: Ohhh, that’s just little General Tso.
JERRY: You named a pet after mall food?
KRAMER: He’s fierce, Jerry. Fierce!
JERRY slowly stands.
JERRY: Kramer… are you involved in cockfighting?
Silence.
NEWMAN: You say it like it’s a bad thing.
ELAINE: OH MY GOD!
KRAMER: Ohhh, Elaine, come on! You’ve never seen it! The pageantry! The excitement! The feathers flyin’! The little shoes!
JERRY: Little shoes?!
KRAMER: Tiny little spur shoes, Jerry! These birds are athletes!
ELAINE: This is psychotic.
KRAMER: No, no, no, see, people misunderstand the whole culture. It’s community! It’s tradition! It’s strategy! You should SEE the scouting reports these guys put together.
JERRY: Scouting reports?!
KRAMER: Yeah, there’s this one guy Daveed. He tracks wing span, aggression index, peck velocity…
The door opens. STEVE enters wearing a Mets hoodie and carrying coffee.
STEVE: Hey. Anybody see—
He notices the carrier.
STEVE: What’s that?
KRAMER: Cockfighting.
STEVE freezes.
STEVE: …What?
KRAMER: Ohhhh yeah. Big underground scene. Very exclusive.
NEWMAN: You gotta know a guy.
KRAMER leans in dramatically.
KRAMER: Sugar Diaz is there.
STEVE nearly drops the coffee.
STEVE: Sugar Diaz?!
JERRY: The closer?!
ELAINE: Wait, your relief pitcher is into cockfighting?
KRAMER: Not just into it. He’s respected.
NEWMAN: One bird’s named “Fastball.”
STEVE paces.
STEVE: Oh this is terrible. TERRIBLE! I can’t have a cockfighter on the team!
JERRY: Why not? These guys need something to do in October to keep them busy.
STEVE: You don’t understand! If I don’t re-sign him now everybody’s gonna say I’m cheap!
KRAMER: Steve… Steve… this is an opportunity.
STEVE: Opportunity?!
KRAMER: You lean INTO it.
JERRY: No.
KRAMER: Ohhhh yeah. “Citi Field Cock Night.”
ELAINE: NO!
KRAMER: You bring in little rooster mascots. It’s like the Grimace but…birds.
ELAINE (outraged): O.M.G!
JERRY (under his breath): They tried that already.
KRAMER: Feather giveaways! Tiny spurs for the kids!
JERRY: Don’t encourage him!
KRAMER: You get Diaz throwin’ out the first bird—
INT. CITI FIELD OFFICE – LATER
DAVID sits across from STEVE reviewing spreadsheets.
DAVID: Actually… our analytics suggest rooster-related branding increases engagement among males twenty-five to forty-four.
STEVE: You see?!
DAVID: Also, concession sales spike around handheld meat products.
STEVE: We’re onto something here.
LAUREN FROM MARKETING rushes in horrified.
LAUREN: social media says we’ve trademarked “Queens Cock.”
STEVE: WE DID WHAT?!
CHAD THE SOCIAL MEDIA INTERN pokes his head in proudly.
CHAD: Queens Cock! It was my idea! It’s already trending! The T-Shirt Guy says he has an idea for a design.
STEVE: We are NOT doing “Queens Cock.” Absolutely not.
LAUREN: Well the hashtag IS testing extremely well with males eighteen to thirty-four.
STEVE: NO!
STEVE turns to DAVID.
STEVE: David. Give me something else for the bullpen. Something classy.
DAVID calmly flips through analytics printouts.
DAVID: Well… fan surveys indicate people respond positively to themes of intimidation, chaos, and industrial machinery. Our proposed rebrand is “The Queens Construction Zone.”
STEVE: Ohhhh, I like that. They could wear constriction hats in the dugout.
DAVID: We also stop calling walks “walks.”
STEVE: What do you call them?
DAVID: Permit delays.
STEVE: Permit delays…
DAVID: And blown saves become “structural failures.”
STEVE: That’s good. OK let’s do it. No more Diaz. Now, talk to me about first base…
The Maga Thor
INT. JERRY’S APARTMENT – DAY
Jerry is on the couch. Elaine flips through a magazine. Kramer is leaning out the window for no reason. Newman sits at the table eating something crunchy and mysterious.
ELAINE: Gas is five dollars again.
JERRY: Gas doesn’t even have numbers anymore. It’s just… vibes. You pull in, you brace yourself emotionally.
KRAMER: I like it high.
ELAINE: You like high gas prices?
KRAMER: Keeps the riffraff off the road.
JERRY: You are the riffraff.
(The door BURSTS open. STEVE storms in, Mets cap, out of breath but glowing.)
STEVE: He’s coming.
(Beat.)
JERRY: Who’s coming?
STEVE: Thor.
(Kramer gasps. Newman drops a cracker.)
KRAMER: Thor?!
NEWMAN: The arm…
ELAINE: The hair…
JERRY: The ERA…
STEVE: Show some respect! He’s coming over.
ELAINE: Here? Why?
STEVE: He’s consulting.
JERRY: On what?
STEVE: The ballroom.
ELAINE: What ballroom?
STEVE: The new Citi Field ballroom.
JERRY: Why is there a ballroom?
STEVE: Because people won’t drive to the stadium anymore! Gas prices! You have to give them something extra!
ELAINE: Baseball is the something extra.
JERRY: Did you consider not charging $50 for parking?
STEVE: This is premium. Chandeliers. Marble. Dancing.
KRAMER: I’m in.
STEVE: Thor gets it.
JERRY: Of course Thor gets it.
KNOCK KNOCK.
STEVE: That’s him. Everybody—be cool.
Kramer straightens up like he’s meeting royalty. Newman wipes his hands on Jerry’s couch.
Jerry opens the door.
Thor stands there, full Thor energy… and a bright red MEGA hat.
THOR: Hey.
JERRY: …Hey.
(THOR walks in casually.)
THOR: Nice place.
STEVE: Thor! Great to see you. Love the—uh—hat.
THOR: Says what it needs to say.
JERRY: It’s saying a lot.
STEVE: So I was telling them about the ballroom.
THOR: Ballroom’s a great idea.
ELAINE: You’re pro-ballroom?
THOR: Absolutely. Bring back tradition.
JERRY: Baseball tradition… or ballroom tradition?
THOR: Both.
KRAMER: Yes! Fusion!
NEWMAN: A merging of cultures.
ELAINE: What cultures?!
STEVE: Think about it People drive out, they watch a game, then they dance.
JERRY: With gas at five bucks, they’re dancing all the way home too.
THOR: People need more than just the game.
KRAMER: Oh, you could get more of the dance team.! They could teach dance classes between innings!
ELAINE: Between innings?!
JERRY: A slow waltz during a pitching change…
STEVE: You mock, but this is vision.
ELAINE: This is a wedding venue.
JERRY: Yeah, you’re registering for bullpen help.
THOR: You guys don’t get it.
JERRY: Oh, we get it. We just don’t want it.
(Beat.)
JERRY: Well… at least, Steve, you’re rich. You can pay for it.
STEVE: I’m not paying for it.
(Everyone turns.)
ELAINE: You’re not paying for your own ballroom?
STEVE: Why would I pay for it?
KRAMER: That’s a good question.
THOR: We’ve got private donations.
JERRY: Private donations?
THOR: And Mexico.
(Beat.)
ELAINE: …Mexico?
JERRY: Mexico is paying for the ballroom?
THOR: That’s right.
STEVE: (nodding, like this makes perfect sense) Smart funding.
ELAINE: How is Mexico paying for a ballroom in Queens?
THOR: We put tariffs on WBC tickets.
JERRY: The World Baseball Classic?!
KRAMER: Ohhh, I like this.
ELAINE: You’re taxing baseball fans… to build a ballroom?
JERRY: You can’t just say “Mexico’s paying for it!”
THOR: They are.
JERRY: How do you know they are?!
THOR: They will.
JERRY: And what happens when Mexico doesn’t pay?
STEVE: Then we pivot.
JERRY: To what?!
THOR: You guys are too negative.
JERRY: We’re not negative—we’re grounded in reality!
STEVE: Look, the ballroom is happening.
ELAINE: With or without Mexico?
STEVE: Preferably with.
JERRY: And if the gas prices keep going up, no one’s even getting there!
STEVE: Enough. We’re going to Citi Field.
JERRY: To do what?
STEVE: To feel the ballroom.
THOR: You gotta feel it.
KRAMER: I’m feeling it!
NEWMAN: I’m swaying.
ELAINE: I’m staying.
(THOR adjusts his hat, confident.)
THOR: You either get it or you don’t.
JERRY: I don’t.
(STEVE, THOR, KRAMER, and NEWMAN head out.)
Door SLAMS.
(Beat.)
ELAINE: You think any of that made sense?
JERRY: It’s the Mets.