Hey baseball, even you seem to realize you’re dying based on that survey the other day.
Your sport needs a boost. As always, I am here to help.
Your owners need to grab Arte Moreno and have a discussion.
Arte….this Anaheim thing. It’s not working out. This is just business. We can’t have Ohtani wasting away in the Pacific Time Zone.
Steve is going to make you a very generous offer and you’re going to accept it.
You can keep Trout to save fave, but Ohtani is going to New York. You are costing us all money.
Steve, do the right thing here and take care of Arte.
Any questions? Hal, I didn’t ask you. We good here?
Good. Get the paperwork on my desk by 7pm, the Mets are on ESPN tonight.
…
You guys need stars in THE EASTERN TIME ZONE. I don’t understand why this is so hard for you baseball…
Let the Dodgers do their thing. They can keep busy with the Giants and the Padres and the rest of us can pay attention to them come October. The East’s. West thing is always good in the post-season. But having all the big stars out west is a problem – it’s even been a problem for the NBA! (I believe Brooklyn is also in the Pacific Time Zone as nobody seems to care about it, but that’s another topic).
Get this done. Don’t worry about fair. If it’s Dom Smith for Ohtani and Steve happens to buy Arte Moreno a new yacht DON’T ASK QUESTIONS.
There is money to be made here for everyone. DON’T ASK QUESTIONS!!!!!!!
