INT. JERRY’S APARTMENT – DAY
Steve, visibly stressed about the Mets’ pitching situation, is explaining his dilemma to Jerry, who is lounging on the couch, enjoying every moment of Steve’s discomfort.
STEVE: (frustrated) I’ve really done it this time, Jerry. We’re short on pitching, and with Senga out, I’m desperate for a solution.
JERRY: (sarcastically) What’s the plan, Steve? Gonna throw in the dance team as relief pitchers?
STEVE: (ignoring the jab) Actually, Kramer suggested we set up one of those secret pitching labs. You know, to give our pitchers an edge.
JERRY: (bursting into laughter) A secret pitching lab? Kramer’s your baseball advisor now? Why not just hire a witch doctor and be done with it?
STEVE: (defensive) It’s not a bad idea. Other teams have them. It could really work.
JERRY: (teasingly) Oh, I can see it now. The Mets’ secret weapon: a fastball taught by Professor Kramer. What’s next, the knuckleball of mystique?
STEVE: (exasperated) You’re not helping, Jerry.
JERRY: (continuing) And let’s not forget the dance team. Maybe you can develop a secret lab for them too. ‘The Physics of Pom-Poms.’
STEVE: (trying to stay focused) This isn’t a joke. We need an edge.
JERRY: (smirking) Steve, the only edge you’re going to find in a Kramer-approved lab is the edge of reality. And let me tell you, it’s a long drop.
Just then, Kramer slides into the apartment, full of excitement about his “revolutionary” pitching lab idea.
KRAMER: (proudly) You guys are gonna love this. I’ve got contacts, Jerry. Top men.
JERRY: (quipping) Top men? What, are they hiding the Ark of the Covenant in there too?
Steve and Kramer arrive at a rundown warehouse. Inside, instead of the high-tech facility Steve was expecting, they find a makeshift lab that looks more like a high school science fair gone wrong. There are a couple of eccentric “scientists” present, one of whom is using a leaf blower to simulate wind resistance.
STEVE: (horrified) This is the pitching lab?
KRAMER: (proudly) Yep, state-of-the-art technology.
One of the “scientists” attempts to demonstrate a new pitching machine, which malfunctions spectacularly, sending balls flying everywhere but the intended target.
SCIENTIST: (unperturbed) Just a few minor adjustments needed.
STEVE: (dismayed) We can’t use this! This is a disaster waiting to happen!
KRAMER: (trying to reassure him) Steve, you’ve got to see the potential here. These guys are visionaries!
Just then, a ball launched by the faulty machine breaks through a window, causing Steve to duck for cover.
INT. JERRY’S APARTMENT – LATER THAT DAY
After the disastrous visit to the pitching lab, Steve and Kramer, retreat back to the safety of Jerry’s apartment. Steve is disheartened, Kramer is bewildered, and Elaine can’t stop laughing about the ordeal.
ELAINE: (laughing)The guy used a leaf blower to simulate a fastball? What’s next? Using a vacuum cleaner to teach curveballs?
JERRY: (joining in on the laughter) And what about that pitching machine that looked like it was held together with duct tape and prayers?
STEVE: (sighing) I was just trying to find an edge for the team.
JERRY: (chuckling) You know, Steve, you could have just signed Yamamoto and Ohtani. That would have been an edge.
STEVE: (defensive) Ohtani didn’t call, Jerry. I put the word out, but he didn’t call.
JERRY: (teasingly) What, were you expecting a bat signal? Maybe you should have sent them a carrier pigeon from Kramer’s elite bird messaging service.
ELAINE: (laughing) Yeah, Steve. Next time, try not to rely on Kramer’s “top men” or AT&T for your big signings.
KRAMER: (earnestly) You know, the pigeon could still work. It’s all about the presentation.
STEVE: (resignedly) Maybe I need to rethink my strategy. And my communication methods.
JERRY: (joking) Or maybe just start with making sure your phone works during the free agency period. That might be a good “edge” to start with.
KRAMER: (still optimistic) Well, I thought the rubber band slingshot had potential.
ELAINE: (teasing) Oh, absolutely, Kramer. Maybe you can pitch that to the dance team. ‘The Rubber Band Routine: Stretching Your Way to Success.’
STEVE: (trying to change the subject) Maybe we should just stick to traditional training methods.
JERRY: (smirking) You think? Maybe leave the secret labs to the comic books, Steve.
ELAINE: (still amused) And leave the dance routines to Broadway. At least when they leap through the air, it’s intentional.
