INT. JERRY’S APARTMENT – DAY
Steve is sitting despondently on the edge of Jerry’s couch, fretting about his unfulfilled World Series promise. Jerry, watches him with a mixture of concern and amusement.
STEVE: (sighing) I promised the fans a championship within three to five years. And now, it’s looking more and more like a pipe dream.
JERRY: (trying to lighten the mood) Well, if you’re out of options, you could always start retiring more numbers. How about somebody from the 1982 Mets? Nobody ever talks about those guys.
Steve gives Jerry a look that’s half exasperated, half amused.
STEVE: (smirking) Yeah, because what the fans really want is to celebrate mediocrity.
JERRY: isn’t celebrating mediocrity your entire marketing plan for 2024?
STEVE (looks mad) Funny.
JERRY: (poking fun) Hey, every player has their day. Why not give them a retirement ceremony? It could be ‘Obscure Mets Day’ at Citi Field.
STEVE: (shaking his head) That’s your solution? Parties for the forgotten heroes of ’82?
JERRY: (more seriously) Well, it’s better than some of your other ideas. Speaking of which, why did you hire that guy from Milwaukee? It’s not like they’ve won anything.
STEVE: (defending his decision) He came highly recommended! I thought he could bring some fresh ideas to the table!
JERRY: (not letting up) And whose bright idea was it to get rid of Buck Showalter? The guy almost gets us to the promised land, and you give him the boot?
STEVE: (sighing) It was a tough call, Jerry. We’re trying to build something new here, shake things up a bit.
JERRY: (dryly) Well, you’re definitely shaking things up.
INT. JERRY’S APARTMENT – CONTINUING
As Steve and Jerry debate the merits of their management choices and ways to engage fans, Kramer bursts into the apartment with his usual flair and excitement.
KRAMER: (excitedly) Guess who I just ran into on the street. Ron Gardenhire!
JERRY: (impressed) Gardenhire, huh? Now, he would have been an interesting choice for manager.
STEVE: (thoughtfully) Do you think the fans would be distracted by Ron Gardenhire Night?
JERRY: (jokingly) Well, the man DID hit .240 in 1982. I think it’s a solid idea. Nothing brings in the crowds like a .240 hitter. Look at Pete Alonso.
KRAMER: (nodding vigorously) I love it! It’s genius. Gardenhire Night!
ELAINE: (joining in) And don’t forget the highlight reel of all his most mediocre plays. It’ll be a hit!
STEVE: (smiling, caught up in the absurdity) Alright, alright. Ron Gardenhire Night it is. If nothing else, it’ll give the fans something to talk about besides our World Series drought.
INT. CITI FIELD – RON GARDENHIRE NIGHT – EVENING
The stadium is abuzz with the excitement of Ron Gardenhire Night. Jerry, Kramer and Elaine join Steve and David in the owners box in anticipation of the event designed to honor the contributions of Ron Gardenhire. However, the evening takes an unexpected turn.
HOWIE: ….please welcome back our old friend, Ron Gardenhire!
(The crowd cheers as a man comes out of the dugout.As the supposed “Ron Gardenhire” takes the stage to deliver his speech, it becomes apparent to the knowledgeable baseball fans in attendance that something is amiss. The man at the microphone bears little resemblance to the Gardenhire they remember.)
JERRY: (squinting at the stage) That doesn’t look like Ron Gardenhire.
ELAINE: (pulling out her phone) Let me look this up.
A quick search confirms their suspicions. Elaine shows Jerry and Steve the image on her phone of the real Ron Gardenhire.
STEVE: (in disbelief) That’s not him! Kramer, what happened?
KRAMER: (rushing over, flustered) That’s not Ron Gardenhire? I ran into him on the street, and he said he was!
JERRY: (dryly) And you just took him at his word? Did you also find Babe Ruth selling hot dogs outside?
The crowd begins to murmur and boo as it becomes clear they’ve been duped. The man, realizing his mistake, tries to salvage the situation with a few generic baseball anecdotes, and throws a ceremonial first pitch but the damage is done.
STEVE: (facepalming) This is a disaster. David, how did we not double-check?
DAVID: Well, he said he was Ron Gardenhire. I wasn’t even born in 1982.
KRAMER: (sheepishly) He had such great stories! I thought it was a Citi Field miracle!
ELAINE: (trying not to laugh) A miracle? More like a strikeout.
Security is called to gently escort the imposter off the field, as Steve tries to apologize over the PA system, promising refunds and free tickets to future games.
JERRY: (as they watch the scene unfold) Well, Steve, you wanted Gardenhire Night to be unforgettable. Look, at least nobody is talking about how you promised a World Series in three to five years and then backpedaled because you didn’t even try to sign Ohtani.
