The gang is over at Frank’s house for Festivus, complete with the iconic unadorned aluminum pole. Frank, Estelle, Jerry, Elaine, Kramer, and Steve gather around the dinner table.
FRANK: (standing with authority) And now, the Airing of Grievances. I’ve got a lot of problems with you people!
Steve looks increasingly uncomfortable as Frank turns his attention to him.
FRANK: (pointing at Steve) You! Steve! Trading Scherzer and Verlander? What were you thinking?
STEVE: (nervously) Frank, it’s about the future. We need prospects. It’s a strategic—
FRANK: (cutting him off) Prospects? Prospects?! We need winners, not prospects! Why didn’t you sign Ohtani? Huh?
STEVE: (defensively) Frank, it’s not that simple. Ohtani never called.
ESTELLE: (interjecting) Well, did you call him?
STEVE: (exasperated) You don’t just call players like Ohtani. It’s not done that way.
FRANK: (exploding in anger) Not done that way? Not done that way?! If you want something, you go get it, Steve! You pick up the phone and call!
STEVE: (trying to reason) Frank, in baseball, there are agents, negotiations…
FRANK: (interrupting, shouting) Excuses! That’s all I hear! If you wanted Ohtani, you should’ve called him! Show some initiative!
JERRY: (to Elaine, sotto voce) Maybe he should have sent a singing telegram.
ELAINE: (giggling) Or a carrier pigeon.
KRAMER: (nodding) Carrier pigeons, very reliable.
FRANK: (demanding) And what about Yamamoto? Why didn’t you sign him?
ESTELLE: (puzzled) Who’s Yamamoto?
FRANK: (frustrated) Who’s Yamamoto? He’s a player Steve should’ve signed, that’s who!
ESTELLE: (shrinking back) Oh…
STEVE: (trying to explain) I tried everything. I even had him over for dinner.
FRANK: (incredulously) Dinner? You think a dinner is going to sign a player?
STEVE: (frustrated) I thought it was a nice gesture, Frank. A personal touch.
FRANK: (raising his voice) Personal touch?! This is baseball, not a dinner party! You need to show them power, not meatloaf!
ESTELLE: (curiously) Did you make meatloaf?
JERRY: (jokingly) Maybe you should’ve tried a pot roast.
FRANK: (continuing his rant) And another thing about those uniforms! The black uniforms are terrible! The Mets’ colors are blue and orange, blue and orange!
STEVE: (trying to interject) Frank, the uniforms are a modern design—
FRANK: (dismissing) Modern, Schmodern! They look like funeral attire! We need tradition, Steve, tradition!
STEVE: (proudly) Well, I did retire some numbers, Frank. That’s tradition!
FRANK: (fuming) Retired numbers? You retired too many numbers! We don’t have any numbers left!
JERRY: (smirking) I don’t think that’s how numbers work.
KRAMER: (randomly) You know, in some cultures, numbers are considered sacred. Like the number 7. It’s very powerful.
ELAINE: (bemused) What does that have to do with baseball?
KRAMER: (enthusiastically) Everything, Elaine! It’s all interconnected. The players, the numbers, the aura!
ESTELLE: (confused) Why can’t they just make up new numbers?
JERRY: (laughing) Yeah, Steve, start using fractions. Batting third, number 3 and a half!
