NT. JERRY’S APARTMENT – DAY
Steve enters Jerry’s apartment and immediately notices Kramer enjoying a container of fried rice.
STEVE: (curious) Kramer, that smells incredible. Where’d you get that?
KRAMER: (enthusiastically) Oh, it’s from this new place around the corner. The line is around the block, Steve! This stuff is gold!
STEVE: (thoughtfully) A line around the block, huh? Kramer, I think you’re onto something. We should add this to the menu at Citi Field!
Jerry, lounging on the couch, looks up with a smirk.
JERRY: (mockingly) Chinese food at a baseball game, Steve? Really?
STEVE: (defensively) Really, Jerry. It’s about offering variety. Fans will love it!
JERRY: (teasingly) What about something Japanese? Like, say, Ohtani? Fans would have loved that!
Steve’s face falls slightly at the mention of Ohtani.
STEVE: (sighing) He never called, Jerry.
JERRY: (teasing) So what’s next, Steve? Dim sum carts in the outfield?
STEVE: (condescendingly) Jerry, you have to understand, Citi Field is about more than just baseball. It’s about the total fan experience.
JERRY: (sarcastically) Oh, I know. It’s clearly not about baseball. My favorite thing about the ’86 World Series was the Shea Stadium lasagna.
As they banter, Elaine enters the apartment, catching the tail end of the conversation.
ELAINE: (curiously) Who’s getting lasagna?
STEVE: (enthusiastically) No, Elaine, we’re talking about adding fried rice to the menu at Citi Field!
ELAINE: (skeptical) Fried rice at a baseball game? That’s stupid. It’s going to get all over the place.
JERRY: (chuckling) Yeah, nothing says ‘Take me out to the ball game’ like spilling soy sauce on your jersey.
STEVE: (stubbornly) You’ll see. It’s going to be a hit. I’m even going to do a big press release about it!
INT. METS OFFICE – DAY
Steve is pacing around his office, a look of intense concentration on his face. David, his assistant, is poised with a notepad and pen, ready to take notes.
STEVE: (dictating) “In an unprecedented culinary venture, the New York Mets are proud to announce the opening of the first-ever fried rice stand at Citi Field…”
DAVID: (writing) “First-ever fried rice stand…” Got it.
STEVE: (getting more excited) “This isn’t just any fried rice – it’s baseball-themed fried rice. Introducing our ‘Home Run Rice,’ ‘Slider Special,’ and ‘Catchers’ Combo’…”
DAVID: (scribbling down) “Home Run Rice, Slider Special…”
STEVE: (with a flourish) “And for the adventurous fan, don’t miss our ‘Seventh-Inning Stretch Spicy Surprise’ – so hot it’ll make you stand up and cheer!”
DAVID: (hesitantly) “Seventh-Inning… Stretch Spicy Surprise?”
STEVE: (nodding) “Each dish is served in a collectible Mets helmet, doubling as a souvenir and a handy snack holder.”
DAVID: (doubtfully) “Served in a helmet, sir?”
STEVE: (enthusiastically) “Yes! And here’s the kicker – every Friday night, fans can participate in the ‘Great Fried Rice Toss’ for a chance to win season tickets!”
DAVID: (astonished) “Great Fried Rice Toss?”
STEVE: (concluding) “‘Mets Rice’ – changing the game, one grain at a time.”
DAVID: (finishing up) “Changing the game, one grain at a time…” Are we really doing all this, boss?
STEVE: (confidently) Absolutely, David. It’s going to be a hit.
DAVID: Oh, I meant to tell you, Pete Alonso’s agent called.
STEVE: Tell him I am busy, I’ll call him back.
The scene ends with David looking bewildered, still scribbling notes, while Steve stands proudly, fully convinced of his groundbreaking yet utterly absurd idea.
INT. CITI FIELD – FRIED RICE STAND – SUMMER DAY
Two fans at the new fried rice stand are in a heated argument, attracting a crowd. One fan is holding a rice container like a treasure, the other is gesticulating wildly with chopsticks.
FAN: (indignant) You stole the last scoop of Catchers Combo! I saw it!
NEWMAN: (defensive) It’s a free-for-all here, buddy! Finders keepers!
Suddenly, in an overly dramatic gesture, Fan flings a spoonful of rice, which lands with a splat on Newman’s Mets cap.
NEWMAN: (outraged) That’s it! You’ve declared rice war!
In response, Newman launches a retaliatory barrage of rice, causing a chain reaction. Other fans start ducking and dodging flying rice.
Nearby, Steve, Jerry, Elaine, and Kramer watch, dumbfounded.
STEVE: (in disbelief) They’re fighting… with fried rice?
STEVE: (observing the chaos) This isn’t exactly how I pictured it.
JERRY: (wryly) What gave it away? The soy sauce slip-and-slide or the great rice spill of 2024?
Nearby, a fan tries to eat fried rice while watching the game, but ends up dropping most of it on his lap.
FAN: (frustrated) Who thought this was a good idea?!
ELAINE: (pointing) Look at that guy. He’s wearing more rice than he’s eating.
STEVE: (sighing) Maybe we should’ve stuck with hot dogs and pretzels.
JERRY: (teasing) You think? I can’t wait for the sushi roller coaster you’ll install next season.
