INT. JERRY’S APARTMENT – DAY
Steve is sitting despondently on the couch, scrolling through ticket sales reports on his tablet. Jerry and Elaine are sipping coffee at the kitchen counter.
STEVE: (frustrated) I don’t get it. Nobody’s buying tickets for the upcoming season.
JERRY: (suggestively) Why don’t you get rid of the fees? I hate it when something’s supposed to be $10, and then suddenly it’s $15 because of fees.
ELAINE: (curious) Yeah, what are those fees for anyway?
STEVE: (vaguely) You know, expenses.
JERRY: (probing) What kind of expenses? The “mystery” fee? The “because we can” fee?
STEVE: (defensively) It’s not like that. There are…operational costs, maintenance…
ELAINE: (interrupting) Maintenance? What, are you gold-plating the seats?
STEVE: (struggling) It’s complicated. There’s a lot that goes into running a stadium.
JERRY: (pushing for details) Enlighten us. What exactly do these fees cover? The “give the owner more money” fund?
STEVE: (exasperated) It’s for operational costs, Jerry. Things like security, maintenance, utilities…
JERRY: (incredulous) And if you’re not charging these fees, who’s paying for all this? The hot dog vendors?
STEVE: (reluctantly) Well, I am. The team covers it.
JERRY: (smirking) So why don’t you just pay for them all the time then? Become the hero of the common fan.
STEVE: (sighing) Because, Jerry, it’s not that simple. The costs have to be covered somehow.
ELAINE: (teasing) What about a “Steve’s Generosity” fee? At least that way, we know it’s going to something good.
KRAMER: (excitedly) Or you could have a reverse fee! Pay people to come to the games. I’d come every day!
JERRY: (joking) Yeah, the ‘Please Like Us’ discount.
STEVE: (chuckling despite himself) You guys are a real help, you know that?
INT. CITI FIELD – STEVE’S OFFICE – DAY
Steve is reviewing papers scattered across his desk when David walks in, looking apprehensive.
STEVE: (looking up) David, how are ticket sales going?
DAVID: (hesitantly) Not well, Steve. We’ve actually seen an increase in cancellations lately.
STEVE: (surprised) Cancellations? Why? Is it the fees?
DAVID: (uncomfortably) Well, it’s… it’s actually because of the dance team.
STEVE: (bewildered) The dance team? What about them?
DAVID: (explaining) It seems that some of our more… traditional fans aren’t too thrilled about the new routines. They say it’s too modern, not what they expect from a baseball game.
STEVE: (frustrated) “Not what they expect?” Well, what do they expect?
DAVID: (carefully) They were expecting…big moves, Steve. Like signing a headline player. They expected us to sign Ohtani.
STEVE: (throwing his hands up) He didn’t call! How many times do I have to say it? I can’t sign someone who doesn’t want to be signed.
The conversation takes a turn as David suggests a bold strategy to boost ticket sales.
DAVID: (thoughtfully) What if we cut the fees? I know I hate it when something that’s supposed to cost $10 ends up costing $15.
STEVE: (surprised) That’s exactly what Jerry said. A great idea… Let’s do it!
As they discuss the new strategy, Steve notices David trying to discreetly put something away.
STEVE: (curious) Hey, what’s that in your hand?
DAVID: (reluctantly) Oh, nothing…
STEVE: (insistent) No, come on, let me see.
Reluctantly, David hands over a piece of paper to Steve. It’s the team’s cellphone bill.
STEVE: (shocked) $200? Why is our cellphone bill $200? It’s not like I was calling Japan.
DAVID: (sheepishly) Well, it’s actually $139, but then there are… fees.