INT. JERRY’S APARTMENT – DAY
Steve is standing triumphantly in Jerry’s apartment, taking advantage of a rare opportunity to boast about his decision-making skills, especially in light of recent events in the baseball world.
STEVE: (proudly) See, Jerry? I’m the smart one now. Did you see that Ohtani betting scandal? Dodged a bullet there.
JERRY: (nodding reluctantly) Yeah, maybe you were right not to call. And what about Yamamoto?
STEVE: (smirking) Gave up five runs in one inning. Tell me I don’t know how to run a baseball team.
As they’re discussing, Kramer bursts into the apartment, sporting a Dodgers cap, which immediately draws puzzled looks from both Steve and Jerry.
JERRY: (confused) Kramer, why are you wearing a Dodgers cap?
KRAMER: (beaming) Because, my friends, I am Ohtani’s new interpreter!
STEVE: (disbelieving) But you don’t speak Japanese.
Kramer responds with a surprisingly fluent sentence in Japanese, leaving Jerry and Steve momentarily speechless.
KRAMER: (proudly) Picked it up from watching sumo wrestling on TV. It’s all about immersion, my friends.
JERRY: (sarcastically) Right, because sumo wrestling and baseball have so much in common.
STEVE: (still skeptical) This I’ve got to see. How do you plan on interpreting if you only picked up a bit from TV?
KRAMER: (waving off the concern Language is about feeling, about emotion. I’m not just translating words; I’m translating the soul of baseball.
JERRY: (teasing) Well, let’s hope Ohtani’s soul doesn’t get sent to prison
Scene: Press conference room. Shohei Ohtani is at the podium with Kramer standing next to him as his interpreter. Reporters are gathered, murmuring.
Reporter 1: Ohtani-san, what do you have to say about the allegations of your involvement in the betting scandal?
Ohtani: 私はこの問題には一切関与していません。疑惑は全くの事実無根です。 (I am not at all involved in this issue. The allegations are completely unfounded.)
Kramer: Uhh, he says… he was betting, but just small amounts! You know, to make the games more interesting. No big deal.
[Reporters gasp and scribble furiously. Ohtani looks confused and alarmed.]
Reporter 2: Did you ever place bets through unofficial channels or bookies?
[Ohtani replies in Japanese, shaking his head.] Ohtani: いいえ、私は一度も賭博行為には手を染めたことはありません。 (No, I have never once engaged in any gambling activities.)
Kramer: He’s saying, yes, he placed a few bets through this guy Vinny. But Vinny’s a stand-up guy, real professional!
[Uproar from the reporters. Ohtani tries to interject but Kramer keeps talking.]
Kramer: Ohtani’s not too worried though. I mean, who doesn’t bet a little on the side, am I right? Keeps things exciting!
[Kramer chuckles and playfully elbows Ohtani. Ohtani looks horrified. Reporters start shouting questions. Ohtani grabs the mic.]
Ohtani: (in English) No no, that not what I said! I never bet, never!
[Ohtani glares at Kramer. Kramer shrugs sheepishly.]
INT. JERRY’S APARTMENT – DAY
Jerry, Elaine, and Steve are gathered in front of the TV, watching the aftermath of Kramer’s bizarre foray into baseball “interpretation.” As they absorb the spectacle, Steve’s recent offseason moves—or lack thereof—suddenly seem less disastrous in comparison.
STEVE: (pondering) Do you think anyone’s actually buying this?
JERRY: (dryly) If by “buying,” you mean wondering if this is some sort of avant-garde performance art, then yes.
ELAINE: (teasing Steve) Hey, compared to this, your offseason doesn’t look so bad. Maybe missing out on some of those free agents was a stroke of genius.
STEVE: (half-smiling) Yeah, who knew Kramer’s antics could put my decisions in a better light?
JERRY: (laughing) You know, if baseball has a betting scandal, you’re never going to get that casino you’ve been dreaming about.
STEVE: (sighing) One crisis at a time, Jerry.
On the TV, Kramer, still at the press conference, has now begun using baseball metaphors to explain unrelated topics, further confusing everyone but doing so with his characteristic enthusiasm.
JERRY: (quipping) At least he’s sticking to baseball. He could be giving out your trade secrets next.
ELAINE: (laughing) What secrets? How to not pick up the phone?
STEVE: (reluctantly amused) Well, I guess there’s a silver lining here. At least people are talking about something other than our offseason moves.
