The Mets Police

INT. JERRY’S APARTMENT – DAY

[Jerry is sitting on the couch, reading a newspaper. Steve bursts into the apartment, looking excited.]

Steve: Jerry, I’ve got a great idea for the Mets! Dollar hot dog night!

[Jerry looks up from his newspaper, unimpressed.]

Jerry: (sarcastically) Wow, what an original idea.

Steve: (confused) What do you mean? It’s a great promotion!

Jerry: (sighing)The Phillies had dollar hot dog night for years. They had to stop because fans were throwing hot dogs on the field and having food fights.

Steve: (dismissively) Oh, come on. That won’t happen with our fans.

Jerry: (raising an eyebrow) Really? You don’t think Mets fans are capable of causing a little chaos?

Steve: (confidently) No way. Our fans are different.

Jerry: (smirking) You know you’re right.   Nobody is going to Citi Field on a Tuesday night to pay $30 to park just to get a $1 hot dog.

[Kramer and Newman burst into the apartment, looking excited.]

Newman: Did I hear something about dollar hot dog night?

Steve: (grinning) Yeah, tonight at Citi Field!

Kramer: (enthusiastically) Jerry, you’ve gotta go! Dollar hot dogs are the best! I once ate 50 of them in one game!

Jerry: (disgusted) That’s revolting, Kramer.

Kramer: (proudly) It’s a skill, Jerry. A skill.

[Steve and Kramer high-five, while Jerry shakes his head in disbelief at their enthusiasm for the idea.]

INT. CITI FIELD – DAY

Steve: Chad, I want to make sure everything is set for our dollar hot dog promotion. Is Mr. Weiner on board?

Chad: (nodding enthusiastically) Yes, Mr. Steve! Mr. Weiner is totally on board. He loves the idea.

Steve: (smiling) Great! Make sure you tweet about the promotion to get the word out.

Chad: (grinning) I’m on it, Mr. Steve! I’ve got the perfect tweet in mind.

[Steve pats Chad on the back and walks away. Chad takes out his laptop and starts typing.]

[Cut to:]

INT. JERRY’S APARTMENT – DAY

[Jerry, and Elaine  are hanging out in the apartment. Jerry’s phone buzzes with a notification.]

Jerry: (looking at his phone) Oh no…

Elaine: (concerned) What? What is it?

Jerry: (reading aloud) “Get ready for dollar weiner night at Citi Field! You’ll love the way Mr. Weiner’s 6 inches of hot meat feels in your mouth. #DollarWeinerNight #MrWeinerKnowsHowToSatisfy”

Elaine: (cringing) Oh my god…

Elaine: (laughing) I can’t believe they actually tweeted that!

Jerry: (shaking his head) Chad strikes again. Steve’s going to have a fit when he sees this.

Elaine (smirking) I mean, it’s not wrong. Mr. Weiner probably does know his stuff when it comes to hot dogs.

INT. CITI FIELD – EVENING

[Steve is walking through the concourse when his phone starts buzzing with senior staff telling to check twitter.

Steve: (to himself) Chad, please tell me you didn’t…

[Steve’s face turns red as he reads the tweet]

Mets Employee:  Steve, we have another problem…..

Steve: now what?

INT. SNY BROADCAST BOOTH – NIGHT

[Gary Cohen, Keith Hernandez, and Ron Darling are in the booth, looking out at the chaotic scene unfolding at Citi Field.]

Gary: (on air) Well,  it looks like we’ve had to stop the game due to the dollar hot dog promotion getting a little out of hand. Fans are throwing hot dogs onto the field and having a full-blown food fight in the stands.

Ron: (shaking his head) This is unbelievable. I’ve never seen anything like it.

Keith: (chuckling) You know, this reminds me of my days back in St. Louis.

Gary: (cautiously) How so, Keith?

Keith: (grinning) Well, let’s just say I knew how to handle my wiener back then. I could make those buns steam all night long.

[Gary and Ron exchange shocked and amused looks.]

Gary: (trying to steer the conversation back) Okay, Keith, I think we get the picture.

[Cut to:]

INT. JERRY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

[Jerry and Elaine are watching the broadcast, cringing and laughing at Keith’s comments.]

Jerry: (shaking his head) I can’t believe Keith just said that on live TV.

Elaine:  Well, you gotta hand it to him. The man does know his way around a wiener.

 

Andy Martino has written about the Mets new culture, based on the leadership of second choice panic move manager Carlos Mendoza (whose name I couldn’t remember and had to look up.)

The Mets new culture should not be confused with any of these.

Oh man, a World Series within 5 years!  That’s great!  It’s great to have an adult in the room and a new culture of winning!

Well except for this…

Steve is in year 4.

Or this new culture…

or this guy you forgot about

which led to this emergency new culture

or this…

…which led to this emergency new culture

which all came after someone Howie Rose compared to Gil Hodges….IN FEBRUARY OF YEAR ONE…..

And don’t forget hiring an Agent to run things.  New culture.

according to Andy, this new culture is:

This hands-off, trusting approach allows Mendoza to impact games, grow as a leader and tactician, and earn credibility in the clubhouse as a manager empowered to actually manage. (via SNY)

I don’t know what SNY is doing here.  I own one of these, and the bridge is not as noticeable as this.

My cap

This could have been a LOT worse.  We could be staring at something based on this…