Category: mets

INT. JERRY’S APARTMENT – DAY

[Jerry is sitting on his couch reading the newspaper. Steve bursts in, looking panicked]

Steve: (frantically) Jerry! I’ve got a crisis! A complete disaster!

Jerry: (barely looking up) What, did you finally take a look at the rotation?  I did try to tell you…

Steve: Worse! I accidentally added PP to a group text with the entire front office!

Jerry: (confused) PP?

Steve: (exasperated) PP.  The Phillie Phanatic!

Jerry: (puts down newspaper) The mascot? How do you accidentally add a mascot to a group text?

Steve: (pacing) I was putting together this Signal chat with the whole front office to discuss our final roster cuts, and somehow…

Jerry: Wait, you added the actual costume to a group text?

Steve: (annoyed) No, Jerry, the person inside the costume! And now they know everything!

[Elaine enters]

Elaine: What’s with him?

Jerry: Apparently he added the Phillie Phanatic to a secret Mets group chat.

Elaine: (laughing) How do you even get the Phanatic’s number?

Steve: (defensive) We’re in the same mascot charity group chat. I just scrolled too far!

Jerry: (still confused) So the person who plays the Phillie Phanatic now knows… what exactly?

Steve: (dramatically) Everything! Our plans to trade for a pitcher! Our concerns about Alonso. My thoughts on the new uniforms!

Elaine: (sarcastically) Oh my god, they know about the uniforms? The Phillies will certainly use that against you.

[Chad, the Mets social Media intern, runs in, phone in hand]

Chad: Mr. Steve! The Phanatic just tweeted green fuzzy emojis and baseball emojis! Do you think it’s a code?

Steve: (grabbing Chad’s phone) Let me see that! He’s taunting us!

Jerry: I really don’t think the person in a green costume is going to steal baseball secrets.

Steve: (panicking) You don’t understand. I said the Phillies were a “second-rate team with a first-rate mascot.”

Elaine: That’s… actually kind of a compliment.

[Steve’s phone rings. He answers it on speaker]

Voice: (playful honking sounds)

Steve: (to phone) Look, I know it’s you! What do you want?

Voice: (more honking sounds, then hangs up)

Steve: (terrified) He’s toying with me!

Jerry: Did the Phillie Phanatic just prank call you?

[Kramer bursts in]

Kramer: Hey buddy! Got your message!  When’s the all hands on deck meeting, you didn’t mention a time.

Elaine:  YOU’RE in the group chat?

Kramer:  Yeah.  C.K.  Cosmo Kramer.

Steve:  Cosmo Kramer?  No, C.K. is supposed to be Casey Katofsky, Director of Baseball Analytics and Advanced Scouting for the New York Mets. He oversees our’ statistical research department, player evaluation models, and leads the team’s “Pitch Lab” initiative

Jerry:  Better check to see you didn’t add Louis CK.

[Steve’s phone buzzes]

Steve: (looking at phone) Oh no! The Phanatic just posted a screenshot of the chat! (reading) “LOL at the Mets thinking they can win the division.”

Jerry: (to Elaine) Is this really happening?

Elaine: (amused) The Mets’ secrets being leaked by a fuzzy green mascot? Yeah, it’s happening.

[Chad’s phone buzzes]

Chad: Mr. Steve! The Phanatic is going live on Instagram from the Phillies locker room!

[They all huddle around the phone]

Steve: (horrified) He’s showing them my texts! And they’re laughing!

Jerry: (patting Steve’s shoulder) Well, look at the bright side.

Steve: What bright side?

Jerry: At least it wasn’t Mr. Met who leaked it. That would have been really embarrassing.

 

What the Alonso are we even doing.  I give the Lindor Thumbs Down to this one.  Are the Mets opening a fast food pizzeria chain?

I am confused by this one.  Let me remind everyone I have several T7L shirts, and they look cool and they are comfy as heck.

This one….. wayyyyyy too many words for a t-shirt.

I’m surprised TTSG even put this out.  This looks like something that you’d make on TeeSpring in 5 minutes.   Maybe TTSG is getting older and is burnt out.  It happens.  I’m proof of that.

 

I hope they don’t look this lame.  At least they aren’t black, but the Mets had perfect road uniforms and the Cohens had to go and mess things up.  Stop toying with everything Alex.  Leave it alone.

(Alex is mentioned as owner in every press release.  She gets the credit, she gets the blame.)

Sigh…

I’m trying to be better about posting more, but have been super-duper busy.  This post today is based on a notion I have had for weeks, but haven’t had the time to flesh out my thoughts.  I asked the MetsPoliceBot AI to flesh out my notion.  If some of the stats here are wrong take it up with “him” but I think spiritually it feels right.

There’s a problem nobody at 41 Seaver Way wants to talk about – innings. Or more specifically, the lack of them.ake Kodai Senga. Our Japanese ace threw just 5.1 innings in 2024 due to shoulder issues. FIVE AND A THIRD. That’s not a typo. The guy who was supposed to anchor our rotation barely pitched enough to cover a single start. And now we’re expecting him to be a workhorse in 2025? Come on.

Then there’s Clay Holmes, our big bullpen acquisition. He managed 63 innings for the Yankees last year. Respectable for a reliever, but he’s just one man, and are we realistically expecting him to triple his career high and pitch into October?

To be fair, the modern MLB starter is throwing fewer innings than ever. In 2024, only 10 pitchers in all of baseball threw 180+ innings.  (Is that right? Ask the AI, I am too lazy.)   Just a decade ago in 2014, that number was 34. Go back to 2004, and 43 pitchers cleared that mark.

The average MLB starter now gives you about 5.1 innings per start. Do the math: a full-time starter making 30 starts gives you around 155 innings – and that’s assuming perfect health, which we know is as rare at Citi Field as a drama-free season.

So now we’re supposed to believe Senga can jump from 5.1 innings to… what exactly? Even 120 innings would be a massive leap. And that’s still 40-60 innings short of what you need from a top-rotation arm.

But hey look it’s Juan Soto and a flash documentary.  Stop asking questions!

One thing that will help – missing the playoffs.  Then you don’t have to worry about those pesky extra 5 starts at the end of the year on tired arms.  Oh, and ask Matt Harvey’s career how THAT goes.