As K-Rod gets ready to join the losing tradition in Flushing, there are a few things both he and Mets fans need to know about each other:
To K-Rod:
1. Lose the nickname. The nickname K-Rod will bring you nothing but grief.
First of all there’s not a single K in your name, so it’s plain dopey to begin with.
Second, it makes me think of A-Rod, and in this town that’s a really bad thing. If you suck people will compare him to the bad A-Rod. You’ll hear about how much money “this guy” makes and you’ll hear cracks about “at least A-Rod bangs Madonna.”. If you’re good you’ll get compared to the A-Rod that wins MVPs (and 2009 is an odd numbered year). You won’t be able to live up to that. Nobody will care about 63 saves.
Third, it makes me think of Dr. K. Dwight Gooden. I lived through 1985 when Gooden was the best ever for one year. Unless you plans on striking out the side on 9 pitches every time, Mr. Rodriguez you would do well to find another name.
When you have your press conference (and hold up your shiny new white-with-pinstripes-no-black Mets uniform) let everyone know that “K-Rod” was a creation of the media or your ex-teammates but you prefer to be called Francisco.
2. You are going to get booed. You can bank on it. You might even get booed that first day at Corporate Taxpayer Bailout Field. (Reminder to everyone not to use the sponsor name.) As soon as you walk one guy or give up one bloop single it will start. Bring a thick skin or don’t come.
3. You will have the spotlight for exactly one day. The second the Mets sign you, the Yankees will throw another bazillion dollars at Sabathia so they can regain the back page. The Yankees like the back page. If you come to Flushing you are coming to the little brothers. You’re coming to the Clippers. You’re coming to the Jets. You’re coming to, well, the Angels – get used to being overshadowed when times are good and attacked when things are bad.
To Mets Fans:
4. Shut up. Omar went out and got the best guy. The Mets needed a closer, Omar went out and got the guy with the saves record. The guy Omar got isn’t 40 years old (for once), he’s in his prime. What else do you want Omar to do? There should be no self-righteous blogging from metspolice.com if this one doesn’t work out.
5. He is going to make lots of money. He’s going to make more money in one inning than you will all year. When you can strike guys out the Mets will give money to you. Until then let it go and don’t worry about it. The Mets have plenty of federal bailout taxpayer money to spend.
6. This one is really really important for Mets fans to understand. He puts guys on. Last year he put on 1.29 guys per inning. Those are John Franco like stats. He’s not going to strike out the side every time. Expect a few guys on-base. Be ready for it and don’t start booing on April 13th just because you’re cold at the bad-decision-by-the-Mets nighttime home opener.
To Omar Minaya:
7. Omar you’re not done. The bullpen still sucks. Go see if Wood or Hoffman would care to pitch the 8th. You still need two corner outfielders, a second baseman, a catcher, and oh yeah three-fifths of a rotation. You still have federal bailout money left, go spend it.
www.metspolice.com
