The Phone

 

INT. JERRY’S APARTMENT – DAY

[Jerry is watching TV when Steve enters, looking surprisingly relaxed]

Jerry:  Where were you? I’ve been trying to reach you since Wednesday!

Steve: (casually) Oh yeah, I had my phone off.

Jerry: (incredulous) You had your phone off? You run a baseball team!

Steve: Yes Jerry, when the Mets lose I turn my phone off. That way I don’t have to deal with any negative comments on Twitter.

Jerry: So what, you lost two in a row to Minnesota.  You’re in first place, it’s not a big deal.

Steve: Two losses is exactly why I didn’t check my phone.

Jerry:   What if there was an emergency?

Steve: (dismissive) What kind of emergency could possibly happen with a baseball team?

Jerry: I don’t know, maybe a player gets arrested? Or traded? Or abducted by aliens?

Steve: (considering) The alien scenario would actually explain Soto’s performance…

[Steve takes out his phone and powers it on]

Steve: (typing on phone) Which reminds me… “Great walk-off last night. The vibes are great. Come join us at Citi Field!” There. I tweeted.

[Steve’s phone immediately begins buzzing non-stop with notifications]

Steve: (surprised) Wow, that’s a lot of messages.

[Elaine enters]

Elaine: Steve! Where have you been? Haven’t you heard?

Steve: Heard what?

Elaine: It’s all over the news!

[Steve’s phone rings]

Steve: (answering) Hello?… Yeah Barry… What do you mean the fund lost a billion dollars?… Yeah, I know about the tariffs… Why didn’t you call me?… (sudden realization) Oh, right. My phone was off.

[Steve hangs up, looking shell-shocked]

Steve:  They want to schedule an emergency meeting.

Jerry: (to Elaine) You know, most traders usually keep their phones on.

Elaine: Most traders aren’t running their PR campaign through Twitter.

[Phone rings again]

Steve: (answering) Hello?… No, I did not approve trading our entire farm system for a backup catcher… Who authorized that?… What do you mean David?  Does David really think he’s running things?

[Steve hangs up, completely defeated]

Jerry: (smirking) So, how are those vibes now?

Steve: (weakly) I should probably stop turning my phone off.

Jerry: Or you know, maybe tweet after a loss too.  It’s OK.  You win some, you lose some.

 

The Mets Police
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