This was so easy this year. So so easy. Lots of choices.
First let’s stay with the lay-up…
I mean there’s the whole Toddfather thing. There’s the thing where he blocks you unless its one of those weeks where he’s got some new merchandise or we’re celebrating him going to the LLWS or something….but his off-season complaints about….wait for it….TURKEYS….how could I not put him on the list?
But, when we think about the true Mets Turkeys, all the problems come back to one man and one man only….
BRODIE VAN WAGENEN
The man who gets my vote for Man Most Likely To Have Really Set The Franchise Back A Decade! This man went out of his way to trade the future for a guy coming off a PED suspension who had $100M in contract left. Oh we also got Sugar Diaz. He also hired an inexperienced manager because the previous manager didn’t have enough experience or something, told us one of the reasons that he picked the inexperienced manager was his Trustworthiness and five seconds later we have a scandal.
ROBINSON CANO, SUGAR DIAZ AND ANYONE WHO TOLD ME THIS WAS A GOOD TRADE
The spin-meisters tred to deflect and tell us that the real piece in the trade was Diaz and that Cano was the throw in. Oh. Regardless of who we really traded for they were both turkeys. The new spin is that Cano had a good second half or something. That’s nice.
INEXPERIENCED CARLOS BELTRAN
Wags is so terrible he turned me into one of the biggest Mickey Callaway supporters on the planet. Anyway, Wags held a press conference and gave five reasons that Inexperienced Carlos Beltran is the man who should lead the team with the CYA and ROY. One of those reasons is Carlos trustworthiness. Five seconds later there’s a big scandal in Houston coming out about sign-stealing, and it appears MLB is taking this story VERY seriously.
VULGAR PETE ALONSO
The man who put the F in LGM. That needs to stop right now.
Meanwhile, Vulgar Pete has read The Matt Harvey Story and decided to emulate Matt. That works well when MLB has juiced baseballs and the same newspaper people that declare someone The Next Seaver start talking like this guy is the Next Captain – but let’s see what happens when the new batch of baseballs arrive and if this isn’t just The Next Ike Davis and how the fans react if so.
MARTINO, HARPER, AND SNY’S CLICKBAIT HEADLINES GUY
Any news of the trade of Syndergaard to the Yankees? Matt Cerrone would be rolling over in his grave if he knew what had happened to Formerly Metsblog. But Matt’s not dead so he will have to live with it.
It’s Amazin’ how quickly the site turned itself into a joke. Like an actual joke. Ridiculous trade rumors and clickbait headlines. It’s very hard to take any content posted to the site seriously now.
METS SECURITY POLICY MAKER PERSON
You can’t bring a backpack to a game, but you can stand on-line outside the security perimeter for 2 hours because it’s bobblehead day. We want you safe inside so we don’t get sued but if something bad happens over there 200 feet from the stadium, oh well, stuff happens. Now I said that kind of harshly but does the Mets security policy make any sense when I put it that way?
GARY APPLE
Look Gary, I love you, but the people have spoke and they want me to add your name to the list. Nothing moved blog traffic this summer like Gary Apple, and Gary Cohen probably guaranteed himself a lifetime job by taking a few weeks off.
GELBS
Look I can’t hold it in anymore and I’m going to take one for the team. Let’s all be honest because WE ALL THINK IT. Gelbs’ reports are terrible and make the broadcast worse but he seems like a nice guy so everyone is afraid to say it. Hey, Gary Apple seems like a nice guy too and he took a pounding for two weeks. We are several seasons into “I know Kevin Burkhardt, Kevin was a friend of mine, you’re no Kevin Burkhardt” and it’s time for the in game zzzzzzz fest to end. You know you think this too but you’re afraid to say it because the guy seems nice.
GOVERNOR CUOMO’S SON GOVERNOR CUOMO
Why am I going here Mets fans? This LGA Airport Shuttle. Since most Mets fans don’t bother to read anything but the AAIMBR’s recaps of Luis Avilan’s season, they miss a lot of important things.
So instead of extending the Astoria line, Gov. Cuomo’s son Gov. Cuomo has a plan where you’d take the 7 train all the way out to Willets Point and then take this new train back toward LGA. What does this mean to you?
The existing Citi Field parking lot will get torn up. Parking will be a pain in the neck for a while.
But don’t worry, there are plans for more parking over on 126th street. And guess who has all the development deals over there? Your pals The Wilpons.
There’s also some plan for some Delta parking over there on 126th. Guess who has the development deal?
It sure was nice of Fred Wilpon to donate to Gov. Cuomo’s son Gov. Cuomo’s campaign .
And I think that’s enough turkeys for this year. I probably made enough people mad at me without taking shots at the idiots who tell He Struck Him Out, or mentioning certain center fielders who played in Philadelphia, or even the Wilpons themselves.
Have a nice Thanksgiving!
