INT. METS OFFICE – DAY
Steve sits across from Buck Showalter in a serious, slightly uncomfortable meeting.
STEVE: (awkwardly confident) Buck, I’ve decided to go in a different direction for next season.
BUCK: (confused) Different direction? We won 101 games last year, Steve. You traded half the team in June.
STEVE: (overstating) It’s totally my decision, Buck. I just feel it’s time for a change. A fresh perspective.
BUCK: (still confused) But I was Manager of the Year…
STEVE: (hastily) Yes, yes, and you did great! But it’s a… strategic move. All me. My decision.
BUCK: (confused) Strategic Move?
STEVE: (stammering) Well, you see, it’s… it’s a strategic thing. All my idea. Completely.
Suddenly, the door bursts open, and an intern rushes in, whispering frantically in Steve’s ear. Steve’s eyes widen.
INTERN: Boss, David is on line two, he wants to know if its done yet.
STEVE: (awkwardly) Actually, Buck….it’s your aura.
BUCK: (incredulously) My aura?
INT. JERRY’S APARTMENT – DAY
JERRY: (baffled) You let go of Buck Showalter? The guy who just had a stellar season? Why?
STEVE: (proudly) Yep! My decision! Time for a new era!
JERRY: (incredulous) And who’s replacing him?
STEVE: Carlos Mendoza.
JERRY: Who?
STEVE: Carlos Mendoza.
JERRY: Like I said. Who? Who is Carlos Mendoza????
STEVE: Jerry, my friend, you are looking at the man who just hired away the Yankees bench coach.
JERRY: (more baffled) The Yankees’ bench coach? Why?
STEVE: (trying to sound visionary) He’s got potential, Jerry! Untapped potential!
JERRY: (puzzled) Potential? What kind of potential?
STEVE: (trying to sound knowledgeable) You know, Jerry, the potential… the… untapped potential!
JERRY: (sarcastically) Oh, untapped potential. Like a hidden treasure in the dugout?
STEVE: (enthusiastically) Exactly! He’s got this… this aura. A managerial aura!
JERRY: (doubtful) Aura? I thought we were talking about baseball.
STEVE: (defensively) It’s a new approach, Jerry. Analytics are out, gut feelings, aura, that’s in. It’s all part of the game now.
JERRY: (teasing) So, what, does he have a better aura than Buck? Is it a winning aura? A playoff aura?
STEVE: (struggling) Well, it’s… it’s hard to explain. It’s like he knows things. Things others don’t.
JERRY: (mockingly) Like a baseball psychic?
STEVE: (nodding, then hesitating) Yes! No, no, not a psychic. More like he’s… he’s got a vision. A strategic vision!
JERRY: (still teasing) A strategic, aura-reading, untapped visionary. Boy, the Mets are really breaking new ground!
Suddenly, Kramer bursts in, his hair wilder than usual, his eyes bright with excitement.
KRAMER: (excitedly) Hey, I just heard the news! You hired Carlos Mendoza! That’s a great hire Steve!
STEVE: (surprised) You think it’s a good move?
KRAMER: (enthusiastically) Oh, it’s brilliant. Mendoza… he’s got an aura. A real winner’s aura!
STEVE: (claps hands, relieved) See, Jerry? I told you about the aura!
KRAMER: (nodding) Oh yeah, it’s all about the energy, the vibes. I met him once, you know. He’s got that… that magnetic field of success around him!
JERRY: (jokingly) What, do you have an aura detector now, Kramer?
KRAMER: (seriously) You don’t need a detector, Jerry. You feel it! It’s like… (waves hands around) …zapping through the air!
STEVE: (proudly) Exactly! That’s what I saw in him. The zapping!
JERRY: The zapping
STEVE: Zapping Jerry. An Aura.
INT. JERRY’S APARTMENT – A FEW MONTHS LATER
Jerry, Kramer, and Steve are watching a Mets game on TV. The atmosphere is tense; the Mets are losing badly. Steve looks particularly distressed.
JERRY: (dryly) How’s that zapping working out for you?
STEVE: (anxiously) It’s just a rough patch, Jerry. Every team has them.
KRAMER: (excitedly) Wait, wait! It’s the ninth inning. This is where the aura comes in!
The camera on TV shows Carlos Mendoza, looking stressed in the dugout. The Mets proceed to make a series of blunders, trailing in the game.
JERRY: (teasing) Maybe Mendoza’s aura is on the fritz.
STEVE: (dejected) This isn’t how it was supposed to go. He had the aura, Jerry. The zapping!
KRAMER: (trying to be optimistic) Maybe it’s a low-energy day. You know, cosmic interference.
JERRY: (sarcastically) Yeah, probably solar flares or something.
STEVE: (sighs) I don’t get it. The fans are furious, the press is having a field day, and the team… the team just isn’t responding to his aura.
JERRY: (teasing) Looks like Mendoza’s aura got caught stealing to end the game.