October 1985. Marty McFly has just returned from his first adventure through time, and life is finally feeling normal again. That is, until the familiar roar of the DeLorean engine shakes his suburban street. Out steps Doc Brown, wide-eyed and frantic as ever.
DOC: “Marty! There’s no time to waste! We have to go to the future—2025!”
MARTY: “Whoa, Doc, slow down! The future? Didn’t we just fix everything? What’s the problem now?”
DOC: “The Mets, Marty. The Mets are a disaster!”
MARTY: “The Mets? Doc, you’re kidding. They’re solid! They’re even more popular than the Yankees! 1985 was a great season—they barely missed the playoffs! And 1986? I’ve got a real good feeling about next year. These new owners, the Wilpons—they seem like they’ve got their act together They really fixed up Shea, added Diamondvision. and they’ve rebuilt the farm system, not to mention bringing in big time superstars like Gary Carter!”
DOC: “Marty, you don’t understand. The Wilpons may seem fine now, but trust me—they’re going to steer the Mets into an iceberg of incompetence that lasts for decades. Bad trades, bad contracts, bizarre management decisions—it’s an unrelenting carnival of misery.”
MARTY: “Okay, Doc, but how bad can it be? You’re talking about a team that just won 98 games this season!”
DOC: “Oh, it gets worse. Much worse. By the early 2000s, they’re the laughingstock of the league. And then—when all hope seems lost—a billionaire buys the team in 2020!”
MARTY: “That’s great! Problem solved, right?”
DOC: “No, Marty! The billionaire talks a big game—says he’s going to spend money on free agents and promises the fans a championship within five years—but by 2025, it’s clear he’s all talk. He never actually signs any of them! He’s just using the Mets to open a casino! Instead of a dynasty, the Mets are stuck in mediocrity! And that’s not even the worst part…”
MARTY: “What’s the worst part?”
DOC: “In 2025, a terrible event occurs that sends the Mets—and their fans—into a spiral of existential despair.”
MARTY: “What happens?”
DOC: The man has no restraint! By 2025, after failing to sign a man named Ohtani and then a man named Soto, he’s so desperate to save face with fans that he makes a critical mistake—he signs Pete Alonso to a ten-year contract extension!”
MARTY: Who’s Pete Alonso?
DOC: Picture Dave Kingman with better PR. By 2025, Alonso’s best years are behind him. His production plummets, his strikeout rate soars, and his contract becomes an albatross the likes of which Mets fans haven’t seen since Bobby Bonilla Day!”
MARTY: “Bonilla Day?”
DOC: “You don’t want to know. Trust me.”
MARTY: “Alright, fine. But how are we supposed to stop this rich guy from signing Alonso? We can’t just walk into his office and say, ‘Hey, don’t do that!’
DOC: “Ah, but that’s where the genius of the plan comes in! We don’t stop him directly. We go to the source—his chief analytics officer, This kid is a numbers wizard. If we can convince him to project Alonso’s long-term decline more aggressively, he’ll persuade the billionaire to walk away from the deal!”
MARTY: “So, the future of the Mets depends on an analytics nerd?”
DOC: “Precisely, Marty! That and the Grimace.
MARTY: The Grimace? Like, from McDonald’s?
DOC: I told you the future for Mets fans is terrible Marty. We need to stop the Alonso signing from happening, and ensure the stats nerd has the data to kill the deal before it’s too late!”
MARTY: “Alright, Doc, I’m in. But one question—what happens if we fail?”
DOC: “If we fail, Marty, the Mets will be stuck paying $30 million a year for a first baseman who can’t hit .220. The fans revolt. Mr. Met grows a beard. Citi Field becomes a ghost town. It’s a disaster! The fans are already desperate Marty! They think winning the third wild card was a successful season!
MARTY: What’s a wild card?
With the flux capacitor charged, Marty and Doc jump into the DeLorean, set a course for 2025, and speed off into the future. Their mission: save the Mets from themselves, one overhyped contract at a time.
