INT. JERRY’S APARTMENT – DAY
[Steve bursts in, visibly excited]
Steve: (bursting in) Jerry! Jerry! You’ll never believe this – Juan Soto is following the Mets on Instagram!
Jerry: (deadpan) And this means…?
Steve: It’s a sign, Jerry! He’s coming to the Mets!
[Elaine takes out her phone, starts scrolling]
Elaine: Oh, interesting. He’s also following the Yankees.
Steve: (deflating slightly) Well, that doesn’t mean…
Elaine: And the New York Botanical Gardens. I’m going to follow him.
Jerry: (smirking) Clearly he’s a big fan of horticulture.
Elaine: Ooh, he just followed me back. And he follows the Avengers too!
[Kramer bursts through the door wearing a t-shirt with Soto’s face poorly photoshopped onto a stick figure]
Kramer: You’ll never believe it! I just started my new business – “Premature Celebration Shirts”!
Jerry: Your what?
Kramer: I make t-shirts celebrating sports moves before they happen! I’ve already got 5,000 “Soto’s a Met” shirts printed up!
Steve: (horrified) Kramer, you can’t do that! That’s trademark infringement!
Kramer: (animated) No no no, Jerry, you don’t understand. I changed just enough details to make it legal. See? (points to shirt) That’s not Soto’s actual face – And I spelled it “Juan S0T0 with zeros instead of ohs.
Jerry: (examining shirt) Is that… is his body just a stick figure with baseball bats for arms?
Kramer: That’s the beauty of it, Jerry! When players don’t sign, I can just change the name and resell them! I’ve got a warehouse full of “Carlos Correa’s a Met” shirts that I’m turning into “Carlos Korea’s Asian Fusion Restaurant” shirts!
[Newman bursts in]
Newman: Kramer! We’ve got a problem! The “Judge to the Mets” shirts from last year got mixed up with the “Ohtani to the Mets” shirts, and now we’ve got boxes of shirts that say “Aaron Ohtani is Judge-ing the Mets”!
Steve: (putting his head in his hands) This is terrible.
Kramer: (excited) No no, it’s brilliant! We’re cornering the market on disappointed fans! Next week we’re releasing our “Pete Alonso Extension” line!
Steve: (perking up) Wait, what about Pete?
Jerry: (to Elaine) Here we go again…
INT. CITI FIELD – DAYChad: Mr. Steve! Great news! Our social media engagement is up 500% since Soto followed us!
Steve: (triumphantly) See? What did I tell you?
Chad: Yeah, I already tweeted “Welcome to New York, Juan! #LGM” with some fire emojis!
Steve: (horrified) You did WHAT?
[Steve’s phone starts ringing – it’s MLB officials]
Steve: (panicking) No, no, Chad, delete it! DELETE IT!
INT. JERRY’S APARTMENT – THAT EVENING
[Jerry, Kramer, and Steve are watching ESPN]
Sportscaster: “In a bizarre turn of events, the New York Mets are claiming their social media account was hacked after welcoming Juan Soto to New York…”
Steve: (moaning) This is a disaster.
Kramer: (checking his phone) Oh look, Soto just unfollowed the Mets.
Jerry: But hey, at least he still follows the Avengers.
Steve: (sulking) I hate social media.
