INT. JERRY’S APARTMENT – DAY
Jerry is on the couch. Elaine flips through a magazine. Kramer is leaning out the window for no reason. Newman sits at the table eating something crunchy and mysterious.
ELAINE: Gas is five dollars again.
JERRY: Gas doesn’t even have numbers anymore. It’s just… vibes. You pull in, you brace yourself emotionally.
KRAMER: I like it high.
ELAINE: You like high gas prices?
KRAMER: Keeps the riffraff off the road.
JERRY: You are the riffraff.
(The door BURSTS open. STEVE storms in, Mets cap, out of breath but glowing.)
STEVE: He’s coming.
(Beat.)
JERRY: Who’s coming?
STEVE: Thor.
(Kramer gasps. Newman drops a cracker.)
KRAMER: Thor?!
NEWMAN: The arm…
ELAINE: The hair…
JERRY: The ERA…
STEVE: Show some respect! He’s coming over.
ELAINE: Here? Why?
STEVE: He’s consulting.
JERRY: On what?
STEVE: The ballroom.
ELAINE: What ballroom?
STEVE: The new Citi Field ballroom.
JERRY: Why is there a ballroom?
STEVE: Because people won’t drive to the stadium anymore! Gas prices! You have to give them something extra!
ELAINE: Baseball is the something extra.
JERRY: Did you consider not charging $50 for parking?
STEVE: This is premium. Chandeliers. Marble. Dancing.
KRAMER: I’m in.
STEVE: Thor gets it.
JERRY: Of course Thor gets it.
KNOCK KNOCK.
STEVE: That’s him. Everybody—be cool.
Kramer straightens up like he’s meeting royalty. Newman wipes his hands on Jerry’s couch.
Jerry opens the door.
Thor stands there, full Thor energy… and a bright red MEGA hat.
THOR: Hey.
JERRY: …Hey.
(THOR walks in casually.)
THOR: Nice place.
STEVE: Thor! Great to see you. Love the—uh—hat.
THOR: Says what it needs to say.
JERRY: It’s saying a lot.
STEVE: So I was telling them about the ballroom.
THOR: Ballroom’s a great idea.
ELAINE: You’re pro-ballroom?
THOR: Absolutely. Bring back tradition.
JERRY: Baseball tradition… or ballroom tradition?
THOR: Both.
KRAMER: Yes! Fusion!
NEWMAN: A merging of cultures.
ELAINE: What cultures?!
STEVE: Think about it People drive out, they watch a game, then they dance.
JERRY: With gas at five bucks, they’re dancing all the way home too.
THOR: People need more than just the game.
KRAMER: Oh, you could get more of the dance team.! They could teach dance classes between innings!
ELAINE: Between innings?!
JERRY: A slow waltz during a pitching change…
STEVE: You mock, but this is vision.
ELAINE: This is a wedding venue.
JERRY: Yeah, you’re registering for bullpen help.
THOR: You guys don’t get it.
JERRY: Oh, we get it. We just don’t want it.
(Beat.)
JERRY: Well… at least, Steve, you’re rich. You can pay for it.
STEVE: I’m not paying for it.
(Everyone turns.)
ELAINE: You’re not paying for your own ballroom?
STEVE: Why would I pay for it?
KRAMER: That’s a good question.
THOR: We’ve got private donations.
JERRY: Private donations?
THOR: And Mexico.
(Beat.)
ELAINE: …Mexico?
JERRY: Mexico is paying for the ballroom?
THOR: That’s right.
STEVE: (nodding, like this makes perfect sense) Smart funding.
ELAINE: How is Mexico paying for a ballroom in Queens?
THOR: We put tariffs on WBC tickets.
JERRY: The World Baseball Classic?!
KRAMER: Ohhh, I like this.
ELAINE: You’re taxing baseball fans… to build a ballroom?
JERRY: You can’t just say “Mexico’s paying for it!”
THOR: They are.
JERRY: How do you know they are?!
THOR: They will.
JERRY: And what happens when Mexico doesn’t pay?
STEVE: Then we pivot.
JERRY: To what?!
THOR: You guys are too negative.
JERRY: We’re not negative—we’re grounded in reality!
STEVE: Look, the ballroom is happening.
ELAINE: With or without Mexico?
STEVE: Preferably with.
JERRY: And if the gas prices keep going up, no one’s even getting there!
STEVE: Enough. We’re going to Citi Field.
JERRY: To do what?
STEVE: To feel the ballroom.
THOR: You gotta feel it.
KRAMER: I’m feeling it!
NEWMAN: I’m swaying.
ELAINE: I’m staying.
(THOR adjusts his hat, confident.)
THOR: You either get it or you don’t.
JERRY: I don’t.
(STEVE, THOR, KRAMER, and NEWMAN head out.)
Door SLAMS.
(Beat.)
ELAINE: You think any of that made sense?
JERRY: It’s the Mets.