INT. JERRY’S APARTMENT
Jerry: So, what’s going on with the Mets?
Steve: (casually) Nothing.
Jerry: Nothing?
Steve: Yeah, nothing.
Jerry: (confused) But I thought after Soto…
Steve: (interrupting, smug) We signed Soto and those idiots bought tickets. So now….. I do nothing.
Jerry: Nothing?
Steve: Yes Jerry, nothing. That’s how you make money. You sell a circus to fools.
Jerry: (skeptical) A circus?
Steve: (proud of himself) Did you not see the brilliance last summer with the Grimace?
Jerry: Yeah, but don’t you want to win?
Steve: (laughing) WIN?
Jerry: I mean, is the team even any better with Soto but no Pete Alonso? Don’t you need more pitching?
Steve: (leaning back) WIN? Jerry, winning is for losers.
[Elaine enters]
Elaine: What’s he talking about now?
Jerry: Steve’s explaining his master plan of doing absolutely nothing with the Mets.
Steve: You know what happened when we signed Soto? We sold more season tickets than we have in years.
Elaine: So?
Steve: So why would I spend more money? These people will buy anything!
Jerry: But the team still needs pitching…
Steve: (interrupting) No, no. What the team needs is more promotional nights. We’re bringing back the Grimace!
Elaine: (checking her phone) Didn’t you just raise ticket prices again?
Steve: (grinning) Exactly! And they’re still buying!
[Kramer bursts in wearing a “Soto & The Grimace 2025” shirt]
Kramer: Steve! When are the Grimace bobblehead nights?
Steve: (to Jerry) See what I mean?
[Steve’s phone rings, it’s Chad, the Mets social media intern}
Steve: I have to take this.
Chad: Mr. Steve! Great news! Our tweet about maybe bringing back the black jerseys got 50,000 likes!
Steve: (triumphant) You see? They don’t want championships, they want nostalgia and purple mascots!
Jerry: So this is your plan? Just… coast?
Steve: Coast? Jerry, I’m innovating! Next week we’re announcing a collaboration with Taylor Swift.
Elaine: What does Taylor Swift have to do with baseball?
Steve: (laughing) Absolutely nothing! But watch how many tickets we sell!
[Newman enters wearing a “Swiftie for Soto” shirt]
Newman: Hey Steve, is it true Taylor’s throwing out the first pitch?
Steve: (winking at Jerry) See? The circus sells itself.
Jerry: But what about actually improving the team?
Steve: (standing up) Jerry, while other teams are trying to win championships, I’m winning where it counts – in the bank. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go leak a rumor about Mr. Met dating a Kardashian.
Elaine: (shocked) Mr. Met is dating a Kardashian?
Steve: (smirking) Of course not! But tomorrow morning, that’s all anyone will be talking about.
[Steve exits as Jerry sits there, stunned by the pure cynicism of it all]
Jerry: (to Kramer) You’re not really excited about a Grimace bobblehead, are you?
Kramer: (dead serious) Are you kidding? I’m already in line! And I heard if you get there early enough, you get a limited edition Taylor Swift x Mr. Met friendship bracelet!
Jerry: (to Elaine) You know what’s worse than all of this?
Elaine: What?
Jerry: It’s actually working.
