INT. CITI FIELD PARKING LOT – DAY
[Jerry and Steve are standing near the equipment truck. Mr. and Mrs. Met are loading boxes]
Jerry: So this is it, huh? The annual tradition of false hope leaving for Florida?
Steve: (defensive) Hey, this year is different! We’ve got Soto!
Jerry: Yeah, and last year you had “discussions” with Ohtani. And the year before that you were “in” on Judge.
Steve: This is real! We actually signed him!
Jerry: Sure, but you lost Alonso. It’s like trading your car for a better stereo system.
Steve: (defensive) The fans love the stereo system!
Jerry: Until they realize they have to walk to the games.
[Mr. Met struggles with a box marked “World Series Dreams”]
Jerry: You might want to ship that one ground. You know, for a guy with such a big head, he’s not very strong.
Steve: (ignoring Jerry) Look at this, The kids from the hospital wrote letters to the players.
Jerry: (reading one) “Dear Mets, please don’t finish third again.” I don’t think that’s from a kid. That’s probably from that guy with the…..
Steve: (snatching the letter) Give me that!
[Chad the social media intern runs up with his phone]
Chad: Mr. Steve! Should I tweet that the truck is heading to Florida with #LGM or #LFGM?
Steve: (sighing) Just post a picture of the Grimace waving goodbye to the truck.
Jerry: (incredulous) The Grimace isn’t even here!
Steve: (winking) The fans don’t know that.
Jerry: You really think Mets fans are that stupid?
Steve: (smugly): Jerry, Jerry, Jerry… we finished in third place last year and distracted these idiots with a purple McDonald’s mascot and a song. We even let a cyrpto-scammer throw out the first pitch. Boy, let me tell you how viral that went. Two million views!
Jerry: So did the video of Mr. Met falling down the stairs.
Steve: Jerry, these people, they love the viral stuff.
Jerry: And they fell for it?
Steve: Fell for it? They bought Grimace t-shirts! They made TikToks! They forgot we lost to Oakland!
Jerry: You lost to Oakland?
Steve: See? Even you forgot! That’s the power of marketing, Jerry. Who needs wins when you have viral moments?
[Steve makes a motion like a magician pulling a rabbit out of a hat]
Steve: Jerry, it’s like this. L.A. signs someone…abracadabra….we’re retiring David Wright’s number! Everyone’s happy again.
Jerry: So your whole strategy is just… distraction?
[Elaine arrives]
Elaine: I thought you’d be inside. What are you all doing out here in the cold?
Jerry: Watching the annual migration of false hope to Florida.
[Mr. Met drops a box labeled “World Series Plans”]
Jerry: Well, that’s symbolic.
Steve: (to Mr. Met) Be careful with that!
Elaine: Hey, why wasn’t Soto at Amazin’ Day?
Steve: (defensive) He couldn’t get a plane.
Elaine: He couldn’t get a plane? The guy making $500 million couldn’t find a plane?
Steve: (more defensive) It’s very complicated, Elaine. There are… logistics involved.
Jerry: What kind of logistics? It’s a plane. You get on it, it takes off, you land. Besides, don’t you have a plane? You were the one flying off to Japan pretending you were going to sign one of the big Japanese free agents. You couldn’t send your plane?
[Driver and Mr. Met approach with a box]
Driver: Boss, what should we do with these Pete Alonso jerseys?
Steve (dis-interested): Ehhh…put them in the storage unit on Roosevelt with the stuff from the old museum.
[Chad runs up with new tweets]
Chad: Mr. Steve! People are asking why Soto couldn’t make it to Amazin’ Day!
Steve: (irritated) Tell them he was… practicing! Yes, he was practicing.
Jerry: Practicing what? How to find an airport?
[Chad’s phone buzzes]
Chad: Mr. Steve! The Grimace tweet is going viral! Should I add something about the dance team, or do you want me to push the Hello Kitty bobblehead?
Steve: (excited) Both! And mention we’re bringing back the black jerseys!
Jerry: Black jerseys? You just announced Blue Jerseys last weekend!
Steve: (smugly) Exactly! Keep them guessing!
[The truck driver approaches]
Driver: We’re ready to go. Just need someone to sign off.
Jerry: (to Steve) You know, most teams just quietly send their equipment to Florida.
Steve: Jerry, Jerry, Jerry… where’s the sponsored marketing opportunity in that?
[The truck starts pulling away Mr. and Mrs. Met wave goodbye while doing a synchronized dance]
Jerry: (to Elaine) Remember when baseball was just about baseball?
Steve: (checking his phone) Hey, we’re trending! #MetsEquipmentTruck2025!
