Mulder, what are you reading on your phone?
Scully, the Mets hired Inexperienced Carlos Beltran to be their next manager.
What do you think of that Mulder?
What do YOU think of it Scully?
Well, Mulder, the beat reporters all say they like him and that he’s really thoughtful.
They said that about Mickey Callaway, Scully.
And Alex Cora thinks he will be a great manager!
Scully, let me tell you what this is really about.
Do tell, Mulder.
How many years did Inexperienced Carlos Beltran get?
The beat reporters say three.
And that deal takes us until when?
Well…2020, 2021, 2022.
And when is Inexperienced Carlos Beltran eligible for the Hall of Fame?
Why do you keep calling him that, Mulder?
Because he’s inexperienced. Answer the question. When is Inexperienced Carlos Beltran eligible for the Hall of Fame?
Not until 2023.
Scully, did it ever occur to you that this is about Cooperstown?
That makes very little sense, Mulder.
Oh I know that Scully, but this is Jeff Wilpon we’re talking about. Maybe, just maybe, the Mets are trying to bring Inexperienced Carlos Beltran back into the family so they can have some sellouts in 2023 and 2024.
You sound insane Mulder.
It does sound insane Scully, but this is Jeff Wilpon we’re talking about. They’ve milked 1969, they’ve milked 1986. Mike Piazza doesn’t seem to want to come around too often, or at least wants a payday if he does. What if this is all about grooming the next Mets Hero.
You sound insane Mulder.
Scully, look at what Wags has done here. He’s completely mortgaged the future. By 2023 Jacob deGrom will be 35. There’s nothing in the farm system. By 2023, Citi Field will be a 15 year old ghost town. This way, the Mets get a sellout when Beltran makes Cooperstown, and they’ve increased the chances of him going in as a Met.
You sound insane Mulder.
Then, in 2024, they can have Inexperienced Carlos Beltran Day and retire 15. All those 15 year olds from 2005 will be thirty-five and dragging their kids to the game. This is straight out of the Yankees’ playbook. This creates legacy.
Mulder, you’re really crazy this time. What happens if Beltran doesn’t make it through all three years.
That’s the thing Scully, he HAS to. The Mets, by bringing him in, HAVE to keep him or they’ve destroyed one of their own. If the fanbase winds up turning on Beltran the way they did Buddy Harrelson, they’ve destroyed their own future.
And you think that’s what’s going to happen.
Scully, how long have we been doing this? Do you really see any way this ends well?
Well, Mulder, now that you put it that way…..
Now, do you want me to explain to you what Noah Syndergaard showing up at the Delta Terminal was really about, Scully?
Jeffery, my boy come here.
Jeffery, why is the blogger still asking about my parking lot? I thought you said this was handled.
It is, it is….
No it isn’t. He just posted about it. Again.
I’ll take care of it. I’ll invite him to a game. I’ll hook him up with a steak sandwich….
No, this needs to stop….now. Release an image of the new Mets jersey with the Nike swoosh on the front. THAT will keep him distracted until the parking lot deal goes through.
You got it boss.
Oh and Jeffery?
Yes boss?
Don’t spend too much money on free agents. Just make the team plausibly good enough. We want the fans complaining about YOU, not looking into ME. Do you understand?
Yes boss.
Good. Now go.
