Author: Shannon Shark @metspolice

Maybe what the Mets need is a hometown hero.  Someone who is from Queens and grew up a Mets fan.

Spider-Man has been attending games since the 1970s (seen here in his throwback New York Giants cap).  He is constantly thinking about the game and how the dimensions of Citi Field (The Wall) allow him to position his outfielders aggressively.

The only downside would be if Gelbs is replaced by J. Jonah Jameson.   Then things could get very ugly in the post-game.  I don’t think Steve Cohen will want to take that risk.

Will Spider-Man manage the Mets? No.

FLUSHING, N.Y., November 18, 2021 — The New York Mets today announced the team has signed Billy Eppler to a 4-year contract to be the club’s 16th General Manager.

Eppler, 46, served as the Los Angeles Angels General Manager from 2015–2020 and worked for the New York Yankees in a variety of capacities from 2004–2015, rising to Assistant General Manager, before joining the Angels on October 4, 2015.

“Billy has the experience, character, and respect of the baseball community that will allow him to attract the players and front office talent to lead the Mets forward,” said Mets Owner, Chairman, and CEO Steve Cohen. “He is a leader who has worked in two of baseball’s biggest markets and his talents and personality will move us closer to my goal of sustained success.”

During his time with the Angels, Eppler gave Matt Harvey $11,000,000, signed Shohei Ohtani in December, 2017, agreed on a 12-year extension with Mike Trout just before the 2019 season and tabbed Joe Maddon as the team’s manager during the 2019 offseason.

A white flashes at Point72 Capital.  Suddenly, a man appears.

He speaks!  In your own paltry, limited way. You have no *idea* how far you still have to go. But instead of using the last year to change and to grow, you have squandered it.

The man calls himself Q, and he offers the Mets a way forward, if only HE can run the organization.

I offer my services as President of Baseball Operations. I know that you’re probably asking yourself, “Why would a brilliant, handsome, dashingly omnipotent being like Q want to run a baseball team?”  I am here to show you there are ways forward.

Q snaps his fingers and suddenly it is last week.  Q answers the phone and signs Noah Syndergaard to a one year deal.

See Steve, that wasn’t so hard.  If only you had hired someone to answer Noah Syndergaard’s phone calls last week, he might still be here.

Steve erupts!  “Q, even if you have been able to bring me back in time somehow, surely you must realize that any alteration in this timeline will have a profound impact on the future.”

That’s the idea Steve.  I could have a tremendous impact on your future.  If only someone had answered the phone, imagine what we could have accomplished.  Now, do you want me to run your baseball team or not….

Steve will have none of this!  He dismisses Q.  With a flash of light Q is gone.  And another wasted season goes by.

Will Q become head of baseball operations? No.

 

 

Maybe all the Mets need is someone who can keep track of the pitch counts.

deGrom takes the mound.  Vun!  Two!  Vree!  Vour!  Vive!  All the way until 100 at which point he brings in whatever pitcher the accountants told him to bring in.

The Count has ties to the team having worked with Keith Hernandez and Mookie Wilson in the past (perhaps Mookie can return as a coach)

Unfortunately, the Count may be too stringent with his pitch counts and not have any “feel” for the game, such as letting deGrom finish the inning at 103 pitches.

Will The Count manage the Mets? No.

Well although he has been my #1 follower, it is time to part ways with Noah Syndergaard.

I am quite serious when I say I want ALL the Mets gone.  I cannot forgive the Mets for either booing the fans or saying NOTHING when their teammates booed the fans.  That includes Thor (always one to know where twitter was when he wanted to cuckold Mr. Met) and it includes Vulgar Pete and it even includes deGrom.  I want them ALL gone.

On the baseball side –

If someone ever offers you $21,000,000 say yes.

If someone offers you $21,000,000 when you haven’t (really) pitched in two years, say yes.

The Angels are fools to give someone who hasn’t (really) pitched in two years $21,000,000

As much as we like to LOL Mets, the Mets were smart in not paying $21,000,000

It’s harder to be “Thor” and get endorsements and TV show invites in Anaheim.

If someone pays you $21,000,000 you don’t need to worry about endorsements and TV shows.

I don’t know who these other mystery teams were but they are also fools.

That the Mets weren’t given a chance to counter is interesting. Does NOBODY want to work for Uncle Steve the benevolent billionaire who likes twitter?

Anyway, you were silent when the fans needed you.  BE GONE!