The Mets Police

Poor John. Just trying to enjoy a baseball game when…

… he was approached by Mets field reporter Steve Gelbs, with whom he chatted for about four minutes during gameplay in the fourth inning.

“This is absolutely amazing,” he told Gelbs. “I can’t quite believe it’s happening. It doesn’t feel real. It doesn’t feel like we’re allowed to have this many nice things in one place. I hope everything’s going to stay like this… forever, ideally.” (via LateNighter)

Gelbs asked John about his production process…

Oliver responded “It has changed it a little bit, because in slower news times, we can do that slower cooking.”

“We’re still trying to do that,” he allowed. “But when things hypothetically speaking are happening, like a president suggesting sending American citizens overseas to foreign Gulags, yeah, that probably feels like something that you need to address as soon as possible.”

“So, yes,” Oliver added. “We’re working at two speeds right now. Our regular slow speed, and then crash shows, unfortunately.”  (via LateNighter)

It is unclear how Mike Piazza and Keith Hernandez feel about Mr. Oliver’s commentary.  I just feel bad for the guy as he was trying to enjoy a baseball game.

In other news, yes of course Steve Cohen tweeted.  The Mets swept, you think Steve wasn’t going to take a victory lap?  Let’s see if his phone still works should the Phillies beat the Mets.  I will bet 100% heavy NO.

INT. JERRY’S APARTMENT – DAY

[Jerry, Elaine, and Steve are sitting around the living room when Kramer and Newman burst in]

Jerry: What the hell are you two wearing?

Kramer: (proudly modeling) It’s the new Mets and NYC or Nothing collection, Jerry! Fifty-two carefully curated pieces!

Newman: (smugly) Very exclusive. Very fashion-forward.

Elaine: (confused) NYC or NothingWhat does that even mean?

Steve: (excited) It’s our new brand partnership! We’re elevating the Mets brand by becoming more embedded in fashion culture.

Jerry: (sarcastically) Because that’s what baseball fans care about – fashion culture.

Newman: (defensive) It’s iconic, Jerry!

Kramer: They’re calling them “iconic pieces” and they’re not even in stores yet!

Elaine: (examining Newman’s hat) Is that Mike Piazza’s signature on there?

Steve: (proudly) Yes! Every piece has a connection to Mets history.

Elaine: Doesn’t Mike Piazza live in Italy now?

Jerry: (smirking) I guess Italy is “Nothing.”

Steve: (defensively) Our fans have been asking for this collaboration for quite some time!

Jerry: Your fans have been asking for pitching for quite some time too.

Kramer: (modeling) Don’t you see, Jerry? It’s not about winning! It’s about looking good while losing!

Steve: (offended) It’s about elevating the brand!

Jerry: (deadpan) Right. Because nothing says “elevated brand” like finishing third in the division while wearing a $200 hat.

Steve: Hey, we made the NLCS!

Jerry:  And how many rings is that?

Newman: (admiring himself) I can’t wait to wear this to the ballpark and on the streets of New York City.

Jerry: (to Steve) So instead of putting money into players, you’re putting it into… curated fashion pieces?

Steve: (proudly) Fifty-two of them!

Elaine: (to Steve) You know what would really elevate your brand? Winning a World Series.

 

 

INT. JERRY’S APARTMENT – DAY

[Jerry is watching TV when Steve enters, looking surprisingly relaxed]

Jerry:  Where were you? I’ve been trying to reach you since Wednesday!

Steve: (casually) Oh yeah, I had my phone off.

Jerry: (incredulous) You had your phone off? You run a baseball team!

Steve: Yes Jerry, when the Mets lose I turn my phone off. That way I don’t have to deal with any negative comments on Twitter.

Jerry: So what, you lost two in a row to Minnesota.  You’re in first place, it’s not a big deal.

Steve: Two losses is exactly why I didn’t check my phone.

Jerry:   What if there was an emergency?

Steve: (dismissive) What kind of emergency could possibly happen with a baseball team?

Jerry: I don’t know, maybe a player gets arrested? Or traded? Or abducted by aliens?

Steve: (considering) The alien scenario would actually explain Soto’s performance…

[Steve takes out his phone and powers it on]

Steve: (typing on phone) Which reminds me… “Great walk-off last night. The vibes are great. Come join us at Citi Field!” There. I tweeted.

[Steve’s phone immediately begins buzzing non-stop with notifications]

Steve: (surprised) Wow, that’s a lot of messages.

[Elaine enters]

Elaine: Steve! Where have you been? Haven’t you heard?

Steve: Heard what?

Elaine: It’s all over the news!

[Steve’s phone rings]

Steve: (answering) Hello?… Yeah Barry… What do you mean the fund lost a billion dollars?… Yeah, I know about the tariffs… Why didn’t you call me?… (sudden realization) Oh, right. My phone was off.

[Steve hangs up, looking shell-shocked]

Steve:  They want to schedule an emergency meeting.

Jerry: (to Elaine) You know, most traders usually keep their phones on.

Elaine: Most traders aren’t running their PR campaign through Twitter.

[Phone rings again]

Steve: (answering) Hello?… No, I did not approve trading our entire farm system for a backup catcher… Who authorized that?… What do you mean David?  Does David really think he’s running things?

[Steve hangs up, completely defeated]

Jerry: (smirking) So, how are those vibes now?

Steve: (weakly) I should probably stop turning my phone off.

Jerry: Or you know, maybe tweet after a loss too.  It’s OK.  You win some, you lose some.

 

This is really neat and I wish the Mets had done this years ago before Lindor told the customers to buzz off, and before the Mets evolved into a podcasting fashion brand or whatever the main business is these days.

Anyway, in the days of Ike Davis and Matt Harvey this would have been fun.    Soto is cool.  The other guy betrayed the customers and should never be marketed.

They aren’t the best looking jerseys but they are a cool idea….the Mets just keep marketing the wrong guy.