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The Distraction

INT. JERRY’S APARTMENT – DAY

Steve is slumped on Jerry’s counter, looking dejected over the recent backlash regarding the dance team, the museum, and the Mets’ new black uniforms. Elaine and Jerry are trying to offer their support, albeit through their usual comedic lens.

STEVE: (frustrated) It’s like everything I touch turns into a PR nightmare. The dance team is being mocked on social media, they hate the black uniforms and don’t even get me started on the museum.

ELAINE: (teasingly) Maybe you should’ve signed some free agents instead of redesigning costumes. What’s next, sequins?

Just as Steve begins to respond, Kramer bursts into the apartment, full of his usual unwarranted optimism.

KRAMER: (excitedly) You’re in luck, Steve! JD Martinez is still available. Imagine the headlines: “From Museum Mistake to Home Run Hero!”

STEVE: (perplexed) JD Martinez? What are we going to do, distract the fans  with home runs?

JERRY: (sarcastically) It’s better than distracting them with interpretive dance.

KRAMER: (nodding) Exactly! It’s all about the narrative.

STEVE: (skeptical) And you think JD Martinez is the key to transforming our image?

JERRY: (sipping coffee) Well, it beats trying to win games based on the slimming effects of black uniforms.

ELAINE: (chuckling) Yeah, because when I think baseball, I think haute couture.

KRAMER: (seriously) Listen, Steve.. Martinez hits a few homers, suddenly the uniforms are ‘bold’, not ‘bleak’. The dance team becomes ‘innovative’, not ‘incomprehensible’.

STEVE: (pondering) So, you’re suggesting we outslug our problems?

JERRY: (jokingly) It’s the American way. If you can’t solve it, outscore it.

INT. METS FRONT OFFICE – DAY

Steve strides into the office with determination. David is already there, pouring over player stats and potential signings on his computer. Steve wastes no time in getting straight to the point.

STEVE: David, I’ve made a decision. We’re going to sign JD Martinez.

David looks up, surprised, then quickly pulls up Martinez’s stats on his screen.

DAVID: (concerned) Are you sure? His walk percentage was down to 7.1 from 8.7 the year before. That’s a significant drop.

STEVE: (dismissing the concern with a wave of his hand) Walks schmalks. Sign him. We need his bat in the lineup, and we need a story to get the fans excited again.

DAVID: (typing) Alright, if you’re sure. But it’s not just about the walks. His overall on-base percentage…

STEVE: (firmly) David, I appreciate the diligence, but let’s not get lost in the weeds. We need a hitter, and Martinez can hit. That’s what the fans want to see, and that’s what’s going to win us games.

David nods, still a bit hesitant but trusting Steve’s judgment. He begins the process of reaching out to Martinez’s agent, ready to negotiate.

DAVID: (getting to work) Okay, I’ll get on it right away. Let’s hope his bat does all the talking we need it to.

STEVE: (smiling) That’s the spirit. We’re playing long ball here, David. Time to make some bold moves.

INT. METS OWNER’S BOX AT CITI FIELD – DAY

The gang is gathered in the owner’s box, the air thick with tension. The Mets are down by one in the bottom of the ninth, bases loaded, and JD Martinez steps up to the plate. The crowd’s excitement is palpable, everyone on the edge of their seats.

The voice of Gary Cohen fills the box, emanating from the speakers: “The bases are loaded with the Mets down one, two outs, and JD Martinez is the batter.”

STEVE: (holding his breath) This is it. This is why we signed him.

JERRY: (nervously) Come on, JD. Earn that paycheck.

ELAINE: (clasping her hands together) Please let this be a movie moment.

KRAMER: (standing up) I can feel it! This is the big one!

Gary Cohen’s voice rises in excitement: “Martinez hits one to the track, to the wall…”

The gang leans forward, as if willing the ball over the wall with their collective will.

GARY COHEN: “…it’s caught, and the Mets lose again.”

A collective groan fills the owner’s box. The crowd’s energy deflates in an instant, the palpable excitement replaced with disappointment.

STEVE: (sighing deeply) So close…

JERRY: (trying to lighten the mood) Well, on the bright side, at least we know the ballpark’s dimensions are accurate.

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The Mets Museum is….gone.

Presumably this is so the store could be bigger?   Who knows what Mets owners Steve and Alex Cohen are even thinking this off-season.  Every decision seems to be awful.

Please tell me they didn’t ruin the museum.

This looks kinda afterthought to me.  “Where can we stick them?”

 

PLEASE TELL ME YOU DIDNT RUIN THE MUSEUM TO HAVE A BIGGER STORE

DON’T TELL ME THEY DESTROYED THE MUSEUM

THEY DESTROYED THE MUSEUM!!!!!