The Mets Police

What We Do In The Sheadows is a fictional documentary following the exploits of a group of vampires operating out of Queens, New York.

The vampires operate a baseball team for the purpose of sucking the life out of its fans.  The baseball team allows them to trick fans into gathering in large numbers, only to have the fans come away feeling miserable.

Long lines are one way the vampires suck the life out of you.  One of their best tricks is to give away cheap bobbleheads, but not open the gates.  Then the fans gather in large numbers for hours at a time, not realizing they are being drained of their energy.  The vampires will also create long lines near restrooms or at concession stands where the credit card wifi mysteriously doesn’t work.

Another way vampires can drain you of the will to live is through rain delays.

Humans do not react well to being cold and wet, so any time the vampires can plausibly pretend a baseball game will be played they will have their victims make their way to the lair where the fans are forced to sit outside for hours…getting colder, wetter, weaker.  You can almost hear the vampires salivating as you read this.

Recently, some vampire hunters have begun sneaking in Garlic and Silver into the lair using backpacks with multiple compartments.  This has resulted in the vampires being more cautious around fans.

FUN FACT:  Vampires do not like sunlight, which is why Saturday games are played at night.

The vampires even thrive on draining the strength of powerful athletes.

Strong men, the likes of Jason Bay, Robinson Cano, Yoenis Cespedes and Jed Lowrie find themselves going from being upper echelon players to suddenly being unable to play good baseball.  In the saddest cases, the players are forced to retire, completely drained of their strength.

The vampires also enjoy the company of politicians, sometimes using their powers of persuasion to get valuable land for a dollar.

Politicians should be very careful around vampires. One minute you’re a popular governor in your state, and before you know it, nobody likes you and even Trump won’t give you a job.

But those are not the vampires you should fear most.   The most dangerous of these vampires is the Broadcast Vampire.  Broadcast Vampires have powers so strong that they work through the airwaves.  You can be sitting on your couch miles and miles away and a Broadcast Vampire can suck the life out of you just by talking for a long time. A long long time.  Ten minutes later you will feel disoriented and not even connected to the game you were enjoying when the inning started.

Your best bet is to avoid the vampires.  Stay away, and do not let yourself get emotionally attached to the baseball team.  The vampires will slowly suck the life out of you for decades, turning you from an enthusiastic teenager into a grumpy middle aged person who hates everything.   Do not let them get to you.  Stay home and eat lots of garlic.   The vampires only get more powerful the more you let them.

 

There have been many great Uni Watches over the years, but this is one of the Top 5 of All Time (maybe I will make a list some day….the Mrs. Met/Lady Met comes to mind, the Wilpon Script comes to mind….) but today is a must read.  Here’s just a tiny taste….

…they definitely weren’t a 1992 expansion team. So I gravitated toward a blackletter font because it felt iconic, classic, and like it was maybe around since the 1930s (via Uni Watch)

This article is fantastic.  There is even MORE detail than we had all realized (vendor pins!).  We find out what those championship banners say.  Oh the detail.

I wish someone would sell Pigeons Merch as I would buy an entire set immediately.

Anyway stop reading my stupid site and go read this on Uni Watch.  When you’re done there you can come back and read my very detailed recap of the commercial from a few months back.

BTW I am totally making this team in Super Mega Baseball 2 and MLB The Show.  Sorry Los Angeles Cyclones.

SLACKISH REACTION:  The Mets are taking seriously this stretch against bad teams.  My #1 follower pitched a fine game.  Dom “The Alarm” Smith homered!  Even Todd Frazier got a hit!

Gary Cohen had a good call for 50% of the home runs last night.   Here’s MLB The Show 16 making fun of Gare.

The QBC guys are doing a luncheon with Keith Hernandez you should attend.

NOT LINKING:  Jed Lowrie will be out for at least another month, hamstring issue.  What else do you need to know?  I don’t think he actually exists.  And remember, in Queens, getting Cespedes and Lowrie back in July is just like making big trades!

You guys should know how Sterling or Scully goes by now.  It’s either a good honest call or it’s an announcer mailing it in.  How do you think Gary did?  Answer before you hit play…

WILSON RAMOS GRAND SLAM🐃🐃🐃🐃 pic.twitter.com/POip6sM1j7

— SNY (@SNYtv) May 14, 2019

And the answer is obvious. Nice job Gare!

Verdict: Scully

This next one though….

First dinger of the year for Dom!! 💥💥 pic.twitter.com/mg3y8mYeUw

— SNY (@SNYtv) May 15, 2019

Come on Gare. That ball is obviously gone. Why are you mentioning the wall? You can do better.

Verdict: Sterling

The QBC Guys have announced the below.  I’m sending them an invoice for this promotion so make sure you buy tickets so they can pay ME for all this free advertising.  You think the T-Shirt guy is promoting this for them?   I’m just glad I have a soccer game all day so they don’t ask me to drive to Queens for this…but YOU should go.

They say the below, and you can get tickets here.

That’s right folks!!! We have brought our talents to Mikkeller Brewery NYC!

We always have the QBC in January to hold of the doldrums of winter without baseball. Folks are always asking us if we are going to do any other events during the year. We thought about it and boy do we have a doozy for you guys. How does a luncheon sound with one of the most beloved players/broadcasters from Flushing. Can you guys guess who it is? That’s right. Keith Hernandez. That’s right. Keith promised to come out to see the fans since he got side lined in January with a really bad back and had to have surgery. He really wanted to come that day so he asked us to do a special June event with us.

This is going to be a smaller more intimate event then our premiere QBC in the winter. We only have 150 seats available.

Here are the details for the event.

June 15th, 2019. The panel and signing is from 11:30 to 2:30 pm. Doors will open at 11. Dennis Holden and John Saponaro are going to MC the event. The awesome Pete McCarthy is hosting the panel itself. Limited to 150 tickets.

This is what you get when you buy a ticket.

-You get admission into the event,

-A limited edition Dave Majo print for you to have signed by Keith

You can bring in an item to get a second auto from Keith

-A Keith Hernandez Topps Card,

-A photo with your camera with Keith at the signing table

-Oh and here’s the best part, the lunch is included in the ticket. Mikkeller has some pretty awesome food and they offered us a killer menu. Mikkeller is setting up a buffet where food and soft drinks are included. The menu is….

BBQ Pulled Pork

Honey BBQ Chicken Wings

Mac and Cheese

Coleslaw

Martin’s Potato Bun Sliders

Soft Drinks- Coke, Diet Coke, Sprite, Ginger Beer, Hot Coffee

That’s a pretty solid menu there.

You guys have really packed the hell out of this event. This has got to cost close to $500 per ticket. Well if you did get all these things separately, yeah you are looking at something like that. There is a famous memorabilia company that charges $120 for you to just send in for Keith’s autograph alone. You are getting two autos ($240) The Panel itself($65), Majo Print ($100), Photo ($25),Topps Card(varies), and lunch ($30). It’s a $460 dollar value. We are doing this all for $145 (plus tax and fees) a ticket. We tried to get the price down as low as possible while giving the most bang for the buck. The other thing we are doing is that you don’t have to get up and wait on line to get your print and item signed. We will be calling you guys up table by table so you can continue eating and relaxing.

Dan and I want to do cool events like this for fans like us. We hope you guys will show up so we can do these once in a while plus the mothership QBC event in January.