The Mets Police

With the devastating news that Lyin’ Todd Frazier had to travel to New York to see the King Of Kortisone (sad) I don’t know where the Mets go from here.

If Jeff McNeil, who has only played 1345 innings in the minors at third is pressed into service to cover for Todd and jeff Lowrie, how will the Mets survive?

Can the Mets afford to roll McNeil and his 2018 .329 average and .852 OPS out there ever day?  Will that make up for Todd’s special Salt & Pepper attitude that inflates his .213 and his .693 OPS (you millennials like OPS, this post os for YOU bro.)

I don’t think so.

If the Mets do play McNeil, their third choice at third as their choice at third….read that slowly it makes sense….then they don’t have a backup LFer!

Oh shoot wait….Todd Frazier was the starting FIRST baseman?   Who the hell put this team together.  It’s as if when the rest of the league was getting younger, we had some maniac come in and sign all his ex-clients….and now two ex-clients are hurt and we realize what I have been saying all winter which is THIS TEAM HAS NO DEPTH.

Ok well at 1B there’s a better chance of the Mets playing shorthanded than accelerating Alonso’s contract….so Dom The Alarm Smith it is….the OF can not have any days off all summer, sorry guys – I mean look at the depth chart, the LF and the RF are each other’s backups…that’s not how it works…and NONE of us want to see Keon Braxton…so Conforto, Nimmo and Lagares…you three are playing 162×9.  And Lagares isn’t that good in case you forgot or still think it’s 2014 when he passed for good.

I believe I may have digressed and this post became about exposing the general manager…let’s get back to this Frazier injury.  HOW WILL THE METS SURVIVE without him?  Are you really going to start a guy who hit .329 last year?  That’s nutty.  Hopefully Lyin’ Todd will be back to trick umpires soon.  Get well soon bromance.

Anyway, I will stop asking questions.  Did you see Mike Piazza was in camp today and is OK with the Mets retiring #5.  Now that’s big news.

My young apprentice Niko tweeted this today.  I like this kid’s eye for detail…

Interesting, the Carvel Ice Cream, later Mister Softee Ice Cream, is now “Mets Ice Cream” for 2019. pic.twitter.com/u0ssZiYCT7

— Niko Goutakolis (@NikoGoutakolis) February 26, 2019

Now I know you and the guys at the Amazin’ Apple Insiderized Mets Blog Report are like…so…it’s ice cream, who cares, we gotta bang out some articles about how Mike Piazza was in camp visiting. I get it AAIMBR guys but think for a second…try harder…

Mets Ice Cream.  You probably just accepted that notion the way the Mets want you to.  But let’s think this through….

Mets Ice Cream?

What is Mets Ice Cream?

Apparently the Mets used to sell Carvel and/or Mr. Softee and I guess those relationships ended.  The Mets have gone into the ice cream business.

Ice cream doesn’t just happen.  Google tells me that

1. Stir sugar, cream, and milk into a saucepan over low heat until sugar has dissolved. …

2. Transfer cream mixture to a pourable container such as a large measuring cup. …

3. Pour cold ice cream mix into an ice cream maker, turn on the machine, and churn according to manufacturer’s directions, 20 to 25 minutes.

That’s a pretty interesting business expansion for the Mets.

Where are they getting these things?  Whose formula are they using?  Where did the get the machine?  Did Softee say, “nah you guys keep it.”   Did some teenager learn all of Tom Carvel’s secrets and approach Jeff WIlpon saying, “I can make this guy’s formula…”   Whoa….that’s the plot of Breaking Bad man….

I won’t even get into how the guy that emulated Walter White’s formula is the same actor who plays Wags on Billions because that’s ten levels too complicated for this ice cream post.  Back to ice cream.

So some teenager convinces Jeff…look we got Softee’s machines, and I know Tom Carvel’s formula….let’s just make the ice cream ourselves.  Is that what is happening here?    Should the Shake Shack be worried that they have a mole who plans to sell Mets Shack burgers in a few years?  Protect your secrets people!

Mets ice cream doesn’t just happen.  There’s a story here Scully….and we need to know.

All day I have been wondering about why Lyin’ Todd Frazier had to fly to New York to get a cortisone shot?  (Actually I don’t know that he flew, I guess it’s possible he took a car, bicycle or is walking).

Don’t the Mets know that they spend 6 weeks in Port St. Lucie?  Is there no system for this?  He got an MRI in Florida but has to be in NYC for a cortisone shot?  Does that sound right?

This will shock you but I am not a medical professional – but I do have WedMD.com access and I read that…

What happens when you get an injection?

The doctor, nurse, or other health professional will use an alcohol or iodine-based cleaning solution to clean the area of your skin where you’ll get the shot. After that, they will put a numbing lotion or spray on that spot. Then you’ll get the shot. Afterward, you’ll wear a bandage over the injection site.

So….Todd Frazier has to travel to New York to be seen by a doctor, nurse or other health care professional?  There’s nobody in Florida?

Or maybe the Mets want to use THE BEST CORTISONE SHOT SHOOTER IN THE WORLD.  I appreciate that Mets.  So let me ask it another way – can’t the King Of Kortisone (or Queen, women can be cortisone experts too) go to Florida?

I tried googling “Mets cortisone shot” with a date range of 2015-2018 and didn’t learn much.  You know who had cortisone shots….Yoenis Cespedes and Todd Frazier.  But I couldn’t find anything about the King of Kortisone or where he works.

This all sounds weird to me. But I am sure the Mets are on top of this thanks to the DENNIS system…

They are just Nurturing Dependence here.  All will be OK.

With the blog now heading into its 12th Season I have tons of posts I can recycle.  I thought I would make Tuesday the day I do 10 Years Ago Posts…..here’s one from 2/25/09 originally titled The Gary Cohen Curse.

10 years later The Curse remains in effect.  Back to you Gare

…..

Yesterday we discussed The Curse Of Bob Murphy. Yes it’s absurd, but people seem to enjoy my absurd theories such as the Curse of Lee Mazzilli (any way to explain the awfulness that befalls this franchise.)

Today’s theory is based upon The Curse of Bob Murphy, and it’s the Gary Cohen Curse.

I like Gary, he is a fine broadcaster. I liked that the Mets brought him up from the minors way back when. He’s solid and I’ve enjoyed his work on both radio and TV.

The problem is that he has put a curse on this team.

Gary showed up in 1989. The Mets were coming off their best run in franchise history, with a championship and some very good teams in 1985 and 1988.

He started off slow, and could only drag the Mets to a second place finish in ’89. Do you even remember who won the East that year? No it wasn’t the Pirates and it wasn’t the Cardinals. Think harder. Anyway, the Mets lost to them.

In 1990 Gary managed to get Davey fired, and then worked his magic on making New Yorkers hate Buddy Harrelson. Guys like Torborg and Howe who were geniuses elsewhere – became busts.

Baseball had to change the rules to get the Mets to another series. In 2000 the King Of Finishing Second (Bobby Valentine) finished second as expected but because of Selig’s ruining of baseball the Mets were able to get crushed by the Yankees.

In 2003, Cohen became the Mets main play by play guy on radio. (See Curse of Bob Murphy). When the Mets started SNY they made Gary the main guy. Gary is the voice of terrible late-season collapses. The Gary Cohen highlight reel is filled with a Todd Pratt home run and a bunch of crushing defeats.

The Curse of Cohen also applies to St. John’s basketball which really used to be something in this town.

Gary is back behind the mike. Is Jerry Manuel enough of a gangsta to overcome Cohen’s jinxing from the broadcast booth. Will there ever again be a happy recap? Should we trick Gary into taking the Phillies play by play job?

www.metspolice.com

I was thinking to myself that I need two mugs from the Mets 25th Anniversary season, one from their Championship season of 1986, two RCCola cans from the ’86 season, a silver tankard with the Mets logo, two Mets WFAN bumper stickers a glove from the 2000 World Series, and a glove with the autographs of Bobby Valentine,  coach John Sterns. and lastly a Ralph Kiner, Bob Murphy bobblehead.   But where would I ever be able to find such things?

Fortunately for me, they invented eBay.