How To Manage A Major League Baseball Team

Congratulations, you’ve been hired as a major league baseball manager.

Today we will learn about one of the tools you will use as a major league manager.

This is called a bullpen phone.

You may be asking yourself, what’s a phone doing in a dugout? Shouldn’t I be managing the game? I won’t have time to talk on the phone!

Your instincts are correct. However, a phone can come in quite handy during a baseball game.

As a major league manager you will be expected to make judgments such as “hmmm this pitcher doesn’t seem to have it today.” Now this can be a difficult decision to make, but luckily as a major league manager you will be provided with an assistant called a “pitching coach.” Also if you are fortunate enough to be playing at home, a “Howie Rose 40,000” fanbase will help you arrive at this conclusion.

So now you’ve decided that your pitcher isn’t pitching well. Perhaps he has walked three batters this innning.

At the first sense of trouble, say after two consecutive walks – you can pick up this phone and it will be answered by someone who works for you called a bullpen coach. You say to the bullpen coach “I think I may need another pitcher.” Your assistant will take care of the rest!

Then, when you finally decide that your pitcher doesn’t have it (at home the “Howie Rose 40,000” will help you) all you have to do is walk to the pitchers mound and ask the pitcher for the ball. Out of nowhere, another pitcher will arrive!

It’s so simple almost anyone could do it! Almost anyone.

One Reply to “How To Manage A Major League Baseball Team”

  1. HAHAHAHAHA. Brilliant! At least Davey Johnson knew when to get his guys outta there. BTW–what’s Davey doing these days? Why isn’t he ever mentioned as someone who could manage when they finally fire Wilie?

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