The West Coast Swing


Steve: (excited):  The Mets are back baby!  The hottest team in baseball!

Jerry: (nodding) . It’s about time!

Steve: And guess what? I’m taking us all to Los Angeles on my private plane to see the Mets play the Dodgers!

[Kramer enters, wearing a Dodgers jersey and cap]

Kramer: Hey, guys! Ready for the big road trip?

Steve: (shocked) Kramer,  you can’t wear that!

Kramer: (confused) Why not? I love the Dodgers!

Steve: Because we’re taking the Mets’ private plane! You can’t show up in Dodgers gear!

Jerry: Kramer, I thought you were a Mets fan. Aren’t you in the 7 Line Army?

Kramer:  I like both teams.  I’m bi-fanual.

Jerry: (raises eyebrows) Bi-fanual? What’s that supposed to mean?

Kramer: (gesturing enthusiastically) It means I’m a fan of both teams, Jerry. I appreciate the artistry and athleticism on both sides of the field. It’s a beautiful thing.

Steve: (intrigued) You know, Kramer might be onto something here. Maybe being bi-fanual is the future of sports fandom.

Jerry: (to Steve, incredulously) Don’t tell me you’re buying into this.

Steve: (shrugging) I’m just saying, it’s an interesting concept. Could be good for business, too. More fans means more ticket sales.

[Steve takes out his cell phone and dials the number of Chad, the Mets social media intern.]

Chad: (answering the phone) Mr. Steve! What’s up, boss?

Steve: Chad, I want you to send out a tweet from the Mets account about embracing bi-fanualism.  The Mets welcome ALL fans.

Chad: . I’ll handle it, Mr. Steve.

Steve: Great! I’m counting on you, Chad.


Pete: (noticing Kramer) Hey, man, what’s with the Dodgers gear?

Kramer: (grinning) Oh, I’m just showing my appreciation for both teams. I’m a bi-fanual!

Pete: (intrigued) Bi-fanual? What’s that?

Kramer: It means no matter who’s playing. It’s all about the love of the game!

[Pete nods, considering the idea.]

Pete: You know what? I like that.

[Kramer and Pete continue chatting, hitting it off. Jerry and Elaine exchange surprised looks.]

Elaine: (to Jerry) Looks like Kramer’s made a new friend.

Jerry: (nodding) Yeah, who would’ve thought? Kramer and Pete, bonding over being bi-fanuals.

[As the plane lands in Los Angeles, Kramer and Pete are deep in conversation.]

Kramer: (excitedly) Hey Pete, have you ever tried wearing butter shoes?

Pete: (confused) Butter shoes? What are those?

Kramer: Oh, it’s a game-changer. You coat your shoes with butter, and it makes you slide faster on the field. I learned it from a Dominican guy named Jimmy.

Pete: (intrigued) Really? That sounds crazy, but if it works…


[Jerry is scrolling through his phone, while the plane taxis]

Jerry: (to Elaine) Take a look at this tweet from the Mets’ account!

Elaine: (leaning over to look) What does it say?

Jerry: (reading aloud) “It’s time to be a bi-fanual! Swing the bat from both sides of the plate at Citi Field!”


[Jerry and Steve are walking through the hallway when Jerry notices a group of Japanese men approaching from the opposite direction.]

Jerry: (to Steve) Hey, aren’t those Ohtani’s agents?

Steve: (panicking) Oh no, they can’t see me here! Quick, can I hide behind you?

[Steve tries to duck behind Jerry, but it’s too late. The agents have already spotted him.]

Agent 1: (smiling politely) What a surprise to see you here at Dodger Stadium.

Steve: (nervously) Oh, hi guys! I’m just here to support the game, you know?  I’m bi-fanual!

Agent 1: (smiling) We have no doubt.

Agent 2:  It is always good to show support, even when your team attendance is… struggling.

Agent 1:  (nodding) I am sure with your leadership, it will… improve.

[Jerry raises an eyebrow, sensing the backhanded nature of their comments.]

Agent 2: (smiling)  We have no doubt that you’re doing your best. it must be challenging to compete with teams like the Dodgers.

Agent 1: (bowing)   Now, if you’ll excuse us, we have some business to attend to.

Agent 2:  As we are sure that you have some agents to call.

[The agents walk away, leaving Steve looking deflated]

Jerry: (to Steve) Wow, they really know how to throw a polite punch, don’t they?

Steve: (sighing) Yeah, that’s the Japanese style. Insult you with a smile.

As Jerry and Steve walk away, the Japanese agents overhear Steve’s comment about their “insult you with a smile” style.]

Agent 1: (in Japanese) Did you hear what he just said about us?

Agent 2: (in Japanese) How dare he mock our cultural communication style! After him!


[The Mets and Dodgers are in the middle of an intense game. Pete steps up to the plate, wearing his butter shoes. Kramer is in the stands, cheering him on.]

Kramer: (shouting) Come on, Pete! Show them what those butter shoes can do!

[Pete nods to Kramer and gets ready to swing. The pitcher throws, and Pete hits a grounder towards third base.]

Gary:  Pete hits a sharp grounder to third! He’s going to have to hustle to beat the throw.

[Pete starts running but immediately slips and falls due to the butter on his shoes. He tries to get up but keeps slipping comically.]