Author: Shannon Shark @metspolice

 

**INT. JERRY’S APARTMENT – DAY**

*Jerry’s in the kitchen with a bowl of cereal, Elaine’s flipping through a magazine. Steve walks in, puffed up with pride.*

STEVE: (beaming) Big news, gang. The Mets just hired a brand-new head of communications!

JERRY: (smirking) Communications? What are they  going to communicate—that you’ve missed the playoffs *again*?

ELAINE:  (without looking up) Or maybe she just sends out a push notification: “Sorry, Mets lost. Same time next year.”

STEVE: (defensive, holding up his hands) No, no, no! This is a *serious* hire. Professional. Media savvy. Knows how to handle the press.

JERRY: (deadpan) The Mets don’t need communications, you need pitching. How many times do I have to tell you, you don’t have enough pitching?

STEVE:  (proud, leaning in) Well… she worked at MTV.

ELAINE: (mock impressed, sits up) MTV? Oooooh.

JERRY:   MTV hasn’t been good since the ’80s. So I guess that is on brand.

ELAINE: (grinning) What’s next? You gonna hire someone from VH1 to run player development?

JERRY:  Behind The Losing!

ELAINE:  I want my NLCS.

The door SLAMS open, and KRAMER slides in

KRAMER: (excited) I just saw the tweet!  A head of communications? Now that’s smart.

STEVE: (perking up) Finally, someone gets it.

KRAMER: (nodding wildly) Oh yeah. You gotta *reframe the story*! Spin the narrative! When the Mets miss the playoffs, you don’t say “they missed the playoffs.” You say, “they extended fan appreciation month.”

JERRY: (flat) Yeah, because nothing says appreciation like a month with no games/

KRAMER: (animated) And the dance team? You don’t say they were booed. You call it… “interactive feedback.”

STEVE:  (defensive) Look, the point is, we’re communicating. That’s what matters.

ELAINE:  Maybe communicate some contract offers to free agent pitchers.

JERRY:   Wins. Wins are what matter. The only thing fans want communicated is that the Mets finally won something that counts.

ELAINE:  (mock press conference voice) “The Mets finish just shy of October… but boy, did they finish with pizzazz!”

KRAMER: (pointing like he cracked the code) That’s the headline! “Pizzazz in Queens!”

*Steve beams, convinced he’s turned the corner, while Jerry and Elaine exchange a look of disbelief. Kramer keeps gesturing like he’s orchestrating a grand PR campaign.*

JERRY: (sighs) MTV, Kramer… pizzazz… this is the Mets now.

 

INT. CITI FIELD – PRESS ROOM – DAY

A banner behind the podium reads: “NEW YORK METS – A NEW ERA.” Steve  stands at the podium, grinning nervously. Beside him is LAUREN, the new Head of Communications, holding a stack of notecards. Reporters murmur with curiosity.

STEVE: (beaming) Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for coming. Today, the Mets are proud to unveil our brand-new slogan for the season… Pizzazz in Queens!

The banner is pulled down, revealing giant glittery letters: PIZZAZZ IN QUEENS.

The reporters blink in silence. Steve gestures for Lauren to take over.

LAUREN: (bright, eager) Now, I know what you’re thinking… “pizzazz?” What does that mean? Well, it’s energy, it’s excitement, it’s… flair. It’s cool! You know, like… old-school MTV.

REPORTER 1: (confused) MTV?

LAUREN: (nodding furiously) Yeah!  Neon colors, big hair, loud music, attitude. When you turned it on, you never knew what was coming next. And that’s exactly what the Mets are about!

REPORTER 2: (scribbling) So… unpredictability?

JERRY: (watching from the back with Elaine, mutters) They already had that covered.

ELAINE: (snorts) Yeah, mostly in the ninth inning.

STEVE: (jumping in, overly defensive) It’s not just unpredictability. It’s pizzazz! That extra something. The Mets aren’t just a ballclub. We’re an experience.

LAUREN: (smiling) It’s retro, it’s edgy, it’s… Queens!

Awkward silence. One reporter coughs. Another mutters “Didn’t MTV stop playing music videos in the ‘90s?”

ELAINE:  (whispers)  Didn’t the Mets stop winning in the 90’s?

JERRY: (deadpan, to Elaine) Perfect. Outdated and confusing. That is the Mets brand.

 

See, THIS is what I have been getting at all season. Sure, it’s fun to have “Mets owners Steve and Alex Cohen” in the press releases, but here’s the problem Alex.  That puts you on the clock.

If you’d like to be anonymous, then be anonymous.

You are named checked as the owner, even today.  You’re not the owner’s wife, you’re the owner.  It says so in the press releases.  Your team, that you own, sent me a press release today saying you are one of the owners.

The New York Post reports: Cohen said she will no longer post to her work Instagram account, @tiaalexnymets, and will be deactivating her Mets email account.

Alex the Owner also put out a statement that includes:

Owning this team is not just about baseball; it’s about being part of a community that believes, together, in something bigger than the game itself.

“As we move into the offseason, I’ll be stepping away from this work Instagram to recharge and refocus. I remain committed to the work I do for the fans and look forward to reconnecting again in the spring.

OK, well, you’re the owner.  You just said so.  Thus, fans will let you know how they feel.  Don’t wanna hear from fans, thendon’t be the owner, be the owner’s wife.

Did fans bug Jeff Wilpon’s wife?  Nope.  Mrs. Fred WIlpon?  Nope.  Mrs. Doubleday? Nope.  Mrs M. Donald Grant?  Nope.

But you see, you’re the owner.  Its says so in the press release.

Alex Cohen adds, “I’ll also be deactivating my Tia Alex email. I originally created it to stay connected with you all, but it ended up becoming a platform for the same thing fans were already DMing me about. Please know this decision comes from a place of respect and balance.”

Then again, hiding out on social media seems to be a Cohen trait.  Steve Cohen, one of the owners, will go weeks at time without interacting with fans….then suddenly will show up when the Mets win six in a row.

Not how it works in the Big Apple guys.

 

Look, I’m sire Lauren is lovely and great at what she does.  But look at this quote:

As a lifelong New Yorker and sports fan, I’m incredibly excited to join the New York Mets, an iconic franchise with such deep roots in New York City and baseball history,” said Hurvitz. “I look forward to partnering with this talented team to strengthen our connection with our passionate fanbase and the broader community.”

If you read my dopey blog, you are probably a Mets fan.  Is that how Mets fans talk?  It’s how corporate drones talk.  It’s how people who just want to get every dollar out of the fans talk.  I’m not sure it’s how Mets fans talk.

Here’s what I would have said:

“From meeting Tom Seaver as a young boy, to spending many a day in the Upper Deck at Shea Stadium, this is a dream come true!  To be able to be part of the New York Mets….blah blah thank Steve and Alex….”

But I’m a fan, not a hired gun.

Hopefully Lauren will murder the atrocious and useless Mrs. Met twitter account.

Also of note, this is yet another press release using phrasing like this: “Steve and Alex Cohen’s ownership.”  So when you thank Steve, or blame Steve….also thank or blame Alex.   Right now, she’s part of Team Blame for this failed five year mission.

 

 

NEW YORK METS NAME LAUREN HURVITZ AS SENIOR VICE PRESIDENT AND HEAD OF COMMUNICATIONS

 

Industry veteran joins franchise amid period of accelerated growth to elevate brand and strengthen fan engagement

 

FLUSHING, N.Y., October 1, 2025 – The New York Mets announced today that Lauren Hurvitz has been appointed as the organization’s Senior Vice President, Communications and a member of the senior leadership team. Hurvitz will join the organization on November 3, 2025.

 In this role, Hurvitz will oversee all aspects of the Mets’ communications strategy and public affairs. She will partner closely with senior leadership to strengthen the Mets’ brand and relationships with fans, media, and key stakeholders.

“We are thrilled to welcome a communications executive of Lauren’s caliber to the Mets,” said Lewis Sherr, President of Business Operations, New York Mets. “Her extensive experience in leading strategic communications for some of the world’s most visible and culturally significant brands will be invaluable as we build upon the unprecedented growth the organization has achieved under Steve and Alex Cohen’s ownership.”

“As a lifelong New Yorker and sports fan, I’m incredibly excited to join the New York Mets, an iconic franchise with such deep roots in New York City and baseball history,” said Hurvitz. “I look forward to partnering with this talented team to strengthen our connection with our passionate fanbase and the broader community.”

Hurvitz brings more than two decades of expertise in strategic communications, marketing, and public affairs from her senior roles at major media and entertainment companies, including Turner, Starcom MediaVest Group, AOL and MTV Networks. Most recently, Hurvitz was the founder of Bullet Point Advisory and has served as a strategic advisor to CEOs and executive management teams of global corporations, startups and advocacy groups on communications strategy, corporate marketing, crisis management and brand reputation.

Hurvitz received her bachelor’s from Duke University and MBA from Columbia Business School. She serves on the board of the Duke Annual Fund and PINK Concussions and is the proud mother of three Mets fans.

Steve Cohen addressed this season, which was year 5 of his plan to win “within three to five years” of taking over from the Wilpons.

I can’t really pile on here, he says it’s unacceptable.  That’s also the word I was use, thus we are aligned.

As for teh OBVIOUS REASONS Steve – you never had enough organizational innings to cover 7 months of baseball.  I tried to tell you many times.

Also, out the museum back the way it was.   You don’t need merch money that badly.  That’s the worst thing you’ve done as owner, and you’re the guy that brought black uniforms back.

INT. JERRY’S APARTMENT – SUNDAY NIGHT

KRAMER: (panting) Pete Alonso just opted out!

STEVE: (spinning) What do you mean “opt out”?

KRAMER: Opt out! He’s gone. Out the door, through the turnstile, bye-bye birdie!

STEVE: (stammering) The season ended five minutes ago! The team isn’t even on the plane home yet! How can you opt out before the luggage is  loaded on to the plane?  Do I even get to make him an offer?

JERRY: (calmly) Well, we do know Pete doesn’t like to wait around for a good pitch.

STEVE: (to Jerry, panicked) Jerry, how much money do I have to pay these people?

ELAINE: (teasing) Maybe he just doesn’t like the dance team.

STEVE: (throwing his hands up) Dance team! We’re talking about the future of the franchise, and you’re talking about the dance team?

Steve drops into the chair, head in hands.

JERRY: (to Elaine) You know, the Mets are the only team where free agents run out the door faster than they run to first base.

INT. JERRY’S APARTMENT – LATER

Steve, still worked up, pulls out his phone.

STEVE: That’s it. I’m calling him. I’m calling Alonso myself.

JERRY: (mock concern) Oh, big move. Careful, Steve. Don’t pull a hamstring scrolling to “A.”

Steve dials, waits… nothing. He redials. Still nothing. His face sinks.

STEVE: (muttering) He’s not picking up. He’s not picking up!

JERRY: (deadpan) Maybe he opted out of your contacts, too.

ELAINE: (grinning) Face it, Steve. It’s not you, it’s… well, no, it is you.

Steve slumps on the couch, staring at the phone like it betrayed him.

INT. CITI FIELD – CLUBHOUSE – MONDAY

The Mets are cleaning out their lockers. Reporters mill around, snapping pictures. Steve hovers nervously by Pete Alonso’s locker, which is strangely untouched.

STEVE: (looking around) Where’s Pete? Anybody seen Pete?

A young clubhouse assistant walks in carrying a cardboard box.

ASSISTANT: Uh, hey boss… Pete asked me to grab his stuff.

STEVE: (stunned) Grab his stuff? He sent you? He’s not even here?

ASSISTANT: (shrugs) Yeah. He said to make sure you get the note.

The assistant hands Steve a folded piece of paper. Steve fumbles it open. It reads simply: “Opted Out. – Pete.”

Jerry, Elaine, and Kramer, standing nearby with coffee, watch the whole thing.

JERRY: (deadpan) At least he wrote.  Ohtani didn’t even call.

ELAINE: (shaking her head) That’s cold. He didn’t just leave the Mets, he ghosted the Mets.

KRAMER: (nodding) Oh, he’s gone, Steve. Gone like a meatball at a buffet.

Steve crumples the note in his hand, muttering “The optics… the optics…”  

JERRY: (to Elaine, smirking) You know, they say players dream of walking off with a championship. Here, they just walk off into the sunset.