**INT. JERRY’S APARTMENT – DAY**
*Jerry’s in the kitchen with a bowl of cereal, Elaine’s flipping through a magazine. Steve walks in, puffed up with pride.*
STEVE: (beaming) Big news, gang. The Mets just hired a brand-new head of communications!
JERRY: (smirking) Communications? What are they going to communicate—that you’ve missed the playoffs *again*?
ELAINE: (without looking up) Or maybe she just sends out a push notification: “Sorry, Mets lost. Same time next year.”
STEVE: (defensive, holding up his hands) No, no, no! This is a *serious* hire. Professional. Media savvy. Knows how to handle the press.
JERRY: (deadpan) The Mets don’t need communications, you need pitching. How many times do I have to tell you, you don’t have enough pitching?
STEVE: (proud, leaning in) Well… she worked at MTV.
ELAINE: (mock impressed, sits up) MTV? Oooooh.
JERRY: MTV hasn’t been good since the ’80s. So I guess that is on brand.
ELAINE: (grinning) What’s next? You gonna hire someone from VH1 to run player development?
JERRY: Behind The Losing!
ELAINE: I want my NLCS.
The door SLAMS open, and KRAMER slides in
KRAMER: (excited) I just saw the tweet! A head of communications? Now that’s smart.
STEVE: (perking up) Finally, someone gets it.
KRAMER: (nodding wildly) Oh yeah. You gotta *reframe the story*! Spin the narrative! When the Mets miss the playoffs, you don’t say “they missed the playoffs.” You say, “they extended fan appreciation month.”
JERRY: (flat) Yeah, because nothing says appreciation like a month with no games/
KRAMER: (animated) And the dance team? You don’t say they were booed. You call it… “interactive feedback.”
STEVE: (defensive) Look, the point is, we’re communicating. That’s what matters.
ELAINE: Maybe communicate some contract offers to free agent pitchers.
JERRY: Wins. Wins are what matter. The only thing fans want communicated is that the Mets finally won something that counts.
ELAINE: (mock press conference voice) “The Mets finish just shy of October… but boy, did they finish with pizzazz!”
KRAMER: (pointing like he cracked the code) That’s the headline! “Pizzazz in Queens!”
*Steve beams, convinced he’s turned the corner, while Jerry and Elaine exchange a look of disbelief. Kramer keeps gesturing like he’s orchestrating a grand PR campaign.*
JERRY: (sighs) MTV, Kramer… pizzazz… this is the Mets now.
INT. CITI FIELD – PRESS ROOM – DAY
A banner behind the podium reads: “NEW YORK METS – A NEW ERA.” Steve stands at the podium, grinning nervously. Beside him is LAUREN, the new Head of Communications, holding a stack of notecards. Reporters murmur with curiosity.
STEVE: (beaming) Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for coming. Today, the Mets are proud to unveil our brand-new slogan for the season… Pizzazz in Queens!
The banner is pulled down, revealing giant glittery letters: PIZZAZZ IN QUEENS.
The reporters blink in silence. Steve gestures for Lauren to take over.
LAUREN: (bright, eager) Now, I know what you’re thinking… “pizzazz?” What does that mean? Well, it’s energy, it’s excitement, it’s… flair. It’s cool! You know, like… old-school MTV.
REPORTER 1: (confused) MTV?
LAUREN: (nodding furiously) Yeah! Neon colors, big hair, loud music, attitude. When you turned it on, you never knew what was coming next. And that’s exactly what the Mets are about!
REPORTER 2: (scribbling) So… unpredictability?
JERRY: (watching from the back with Elaine, mutters) They already had that covered.
ELAINE: (snorts) Yeah, mostly in the ninth inning.
STEVE: (jumping in, overly defensive) It’s not just unpredictability. It’s pizzazz! That extra something. The Mets aren’t just a ballclub. We’re an experience.
LAUREN: (smiling) It’s retro, it’s edgy, it’s… Queens!
Awkward silence. One reporter coughs. Another mutters “Didn’t MTV stop playing music videos in the ‘90s?”
ELAINE: (whispers) Didn’t the Mets stop winning in the 90’s?
JERRY: (deadpan, to Elaine) Perfect. Outdated and confusing. That is the Mets brand.