The Mets Police

INT. MONK’S CAFE – DAY

Steve, looking defeated, sits across from Jerry in their usual booth.

STEVE: (despondent) Every decision I’ve made for the Mets has been wrong. Every instinct I have, be it what the team should  wear, who to put in the Mets Hall of Fame, what to do with the GMs.. It’s all been wrong.

JERRY: (sipping coffee) Every instinct?

STEVE: (nodding) Every one.

JERRY: (thoughtful) If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right.

STEVE: (pondering) The opposite…

INT. METS OFFICE – NEXT DAY

Steve is making a phone call, his demeanor has changed to one of confidence.

STEVE: (into phone) Hello, this is Steve from the Mets. Yes, I want to sign Austin Adams. No, no big names this year. We’re going all-in on middle relievers.  That’s right!  I will send a contract over.

He hangs up, looking pleased with himself.  David, his assistant, bursts in, excited.

DAVID: (enthusiastically) Steve, I did it! I got Ohtani’s phone  number!

STEVE: (uninterested) No need, David.

DAVID: (confused) What do you mean? This is Shohei Ohtani we’re talking about!

STEVE: (resolute) This season, we’re doing the opposite. We’re not signing anyone that anybody has ever heard of.

DAVID: (perplexed) The opposite? You mean, no big names? No stars?

STEVE: (nodding) Exactly. If everything I’ve done so far hasn’t worked, then the opposite must be right. No name players. Untried managers.  The opposite.

DAVID: (trying to understand) So, we’re just ignoring Ohtani? One of the biggest names in baseball?

STEVE: (firmly) Yes, David. It’s a new strategy. Only unknowns, underdogs, the overlooked.

DAVID: (skeptically) That’s a… bold approach, Steve.

STEVE: (leaning back in his chair) It’s the opposite approach, David. And it’s going to work.  Now go get me the number for Joey Wendle.

David exits, still looking bewildered, as Steve turns his attention back to a list of lesser-known players, fully committed to his new, unconventional strategy.

INT. JERRY’S APARTMENT – DAY

Steve brags to Jerry and Kramer about his new approach.

STEVE: (proudly) I’m doing the opposite, Jerry. If spending big failed, I’ll spend small. Uncle Steve is keeping his wallet in his pocket.

KRAMER: (impressed) That’s revolutionary, Steve! You’re like a pioneer!

JERRY: (jokingly) Yeah, a pioneer of penny-pinching.

KRAMER: (excitedly) Jerry, the Mets signed Joey Wendle!

JERRY: (unimpressed) Joey Wendle? Who’s he?

KRAMER: (enthusiastically) Joey Wendle, Jerry! He’s a utility player, a real diamond in the rough. He can play anywhere – infield, outfield, you name it!

JERRY: (sarcastically) Wow, a utility player. That’s like having a Swiss Army knife when you really need a chainsaw.

KRAMER: (adamantly) No, no, Jerry, you don’t get it. Wendle’s the kind of player who does all the little things right. He’s like the secret ingredient in a recipe.

JERRY: (teasingly) So, what you’re saying is the Mets are making a soup, and Joey Wendle is the bay leaf?

KRAMER: (nodding) Exactly! You don’t always notice him, but he adds the flavor!

Jerry rolls his eyes, amused by Kramer’s enthusiasm for a player who, while potentially valuable, isn’t exactly a headline-making superstar.

INT. CITI FIELD – OWNER’S BOX – MID-SUMMER DAY

The new approach seems to be failing. The Mets are losing badly. The stadium is filled with boos and sighs.

STEVE: (watching, morose) The opposite of what’s been wrong should be right… should be…

JERRY: (dryly) Looks like the opposite just got you a team that’s perfectly opposite of winning.

KRAMER: (trying to be positive) Maybe it’s an off day?

STEVE: (dejected) It’s been an off season, Kramer.

Jerry pats Steve on the back, a small gesture of sympathy.

JERRY: (consoling) Well, at least you’re consistent, Steve. Consistently opposite.

 

The Mets are under the impression that anyone wants to go watch 21st Century Boring Baseball, especially the star-less team former Wilpons Intern David Stearns has put together.  Buy yourself a TV and watch Netflix.

If you read the release below, the Mets aren’t even hyped up themselves.  This release is basically “yeah, tickets are on sale, and come see the Dodgers but we won’t mention Ohtani because that’s embarrassing, and when the Brewers take 2 out of 3 we know David is gonna get ripped…”

Highlights include Father’s Day?  The Mets aren’t even trying.

NEW YORK METS ANNOUNCE 2024 SINGLE GAME TICKETS ON SALE TOMORROW

 

Tickets are available tomorrow at 10 a.m. at Mets.com/Tickets and (718) 507-TIXX.

 

FLUSHING, N.Y., January 18, 2024 – The New York Mets today announced that single game tickets for the 2024 season will go on sale tomorrow, Friday, January 19 at 10 a.m. ET at Mets.com/Tickets and (718) 507-TIXX. Full-season, half-season and quarter-season memberships are also available at Mets.com/Tickets. The best way to guarantee tickets to Opening Day and the biggest games is by purchasing a season or partial season ticket membership.

The Mets open the 2024 season at home against the Milwaukee Brewers on Thursday, March 28 and continue their opening series on Saturday, March 30 and Sunday, March 31. The Mets first homestand of the season concludes with a three-game set against the Detroit Tigers starting on April 1.

Highlights from the rest of the Mets 2024 home schedule include:

• Dwight ‘Doc’ Gooden Number Retirement Ceremony, Sunday, April 14 vs. the Kansas City Royals
• Darryl Strawberry Number Retirement Ceremony, Saturday, June 1 vs. the Arizona Diamondbacks
• Subway Series, Tuesday June 25 and Wednesday, June 26 vs. the New York Yankees
• Memorial Day Weekend, May 24-26 vs. the San Francisco Giants and Monday, May 27 vs. the Los Angeles Dodgers
• Father’s Day, Sunday, June 16 vs. the San Diego Padres
• Labor Day, Monday, September 2 vs. the Boston Red Sox
• Additional Interleague series at Citi Field:
  • Kansas City Royals, April 12-14
  • Houston Astros, June 28-30
  • Minnesota Twins, July 29-31
  • Oakland A’s, August 13-15
  • Baltimore Orioles, August 19-21
  • Boston Red Sox, September 2-4

The entire 2024 promotional schedule will be released on a later date. For more information or to purchase 2024 Mets tickets, please visit Mets.com/Tickets or call (718) 507-TIXX.

There was a time when I would have been excited by this, but the last decade has really ruined baseball.   And with most things Mets, the Wilpons waited too long.  Uncle Steve doesn’t have a time machine, so this is all he can do but still the time for caring is long gone now.

FLUSHING, N.Y., January 15, 2024 – The New York Mets today announced that the club has signed 20 international players.

“We are excited to welcome this year’s international signing class to our organization,” said Mets President of Baseball Operations David Stearns. “These players and their families have worked hard to get to this day, and we look forward to supporting them as they continue pursuing their dreams to be Major League players. As we carry out our goal of creating a championship caliber organization, we will need to continue to acquire and develop future Mets. Having an international scouting and development apparatus that regularly brings quality players into our organization is essential.”

“Today is a great day for the New York Mets as we welcome an exciting class of talented players into the organization,” said Director of International Scouting Steve Barningham. “This is the beginning of a journey for these players as they take their first steps in professional baseball. I want to thank our entire baseball operations team as well as the families of these young men for their help along the way.”

The class is highlighted by Yovanny Rodriguez, a 17-year-old catcher from Guarenas, Venezuela. The 5-11, 180-pounder is ranked as the fifth-best international prospect according to Baseball America and as the seventh-best prospect on MLB Pipeline’s Top 50 Internationals Prospect List.

STEVE: (boasting) Jerry, guess who the Mets just signed? Vlad Guerrero. And get this—he called ME!