INT. JERRY’S APARTMENT – DAY
Jerry: So what happened with Severino?
Steve: (defensive) Look, these free agent negotiations are very complicated…
Jerry: They must be. You never sign any of them.
Steve: That’s not fair! We signed… uh… we signed…Frankie Montas.
Jerry: Will you listen to yourself? Frankie Montas. You sound like Jeff WIlpon now.
Elaine: What happened to the great Uncle Steve who was gonna come in here and spend like crazy?
Steve: (getting worked up) We made a very competitive offer!
Jerry: Sure you did. And now he’s signing with a team that doesn’t even have a city.
Elaine: Wait, what?
Jerry: The A’s. They don’t even have a city. They left Oakland and are playing in a minor league stadium in Sacramento but somehow managed to outbid moneybags here.
Elaine: They’re playing in Sacramento?
Jerry: Yeah, before Vegas. It’s like signing with a traveling circus.
Elaine: That’s ironic, usually the circus is in Queens.
Steve: (defensive) They made him a very good offer!
Jerry: They’re playing their home games out of a tent and he still chose them over you. Did it ever occur to you nobody actually WANTS to play for the Mets?
[Kramer and Newman burst in]
Jerry: I thought you guys left for that thing with the Mets fans… what was it?
Kramer: The Queens Baseball Convention! But Newman had to prepare his panel.
Jerry: (incredulous) YOU’RE giving a panel?
Newman: (proudly) “The Postal Worker’s Guide to Collecting Autographs Without Getting Arrested.” It’s very informative.
Kramer: He’s got a whole section on proper fence-jumping technique!
Steve: (trying to change subject) Look, Severino wanted to go somewhere else. What could we do?
Jerry: I don’t know, maybe offer him more than a team that plays their home games out of a suitcase?
Elaine: At least the A’s have an excuse for not signing players – they’re broke. What’s your excuse?
Jerry: You know, if the A’s ever do make it to Las Vegas, they have casinos there.
Elaine: What, did they con Vegas into handing over parkland or something?
[Chad the social media intern bursts in]
Chad: Mr. Steve! Great news! I just tweeted that we’re “in” on every pitcher in Japan!
Steve: (brightening) Yes! See? We’re being aggressive!
Jerry: Steve, you do know “being in” on players and actually signing them are two different things, right?
Steve: (getting more defensive) We signed Montas!
Elaine: (checking her phone) Oh look, the A’s are having a “Welcome Severino” ceremony… in a Walmart parking lot.
Kramer: I bet I sell a lot of t-shirts today at the QBC. They say,: “From OMG to OMG He Left”!
Steve: (desperately) We’re getting draft pick compensation!
Jerry: After the fourth round. That’s like getting store credit at a going-out-of-business sale.
Kramer: The “Almost A Met” shirts are selling like crazy! We just got an order for 1,000 “Severino: Sacramento Dreams” shirts!
Steve: (standing up) This isn’t fair! We’re trying our best!
Elaine: Your best is losing players to a team that plays in three different cities?
Newman: (thoughtful) You know, I could expand my panel to include “How to Forward Player Mail When You Don’t Know Which City They’re In.”
Steve: I have to go. I have a meeting about potentially signing…
All: (interrupting) “Someone.” We know!
[Steve leaves in a huff]
Kramer: (calling after him) Want me to save you a seat at Newman’s panel?
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