INT. JERRY’S APARTMENT – DAY
Jerry is at the counter. Elaine is on the couch scrolling her phone. Steve is standing, distracted, half-listening.
Kramer bursts in wearing a Dodgers cap, practically vibrating.
JERRY: Whoa. What’s with the Dodgers gear?
KRAMER: (grinning ear to ear) Did you see it? DID you SEE IT?! Diaz! To the Dodgers!
Steve freezes.
STEVE: What?
ELAINE: I didn’t know Diaz was Japanese.
JERRY: He’s not. He’s a free agent, that’s why Steve didn’t sign him.
ELAINE: Oh, I thought the Mets just didn’t sign Japanese free agents.
JERRY: Oh no, that’s a common mistake. The Mets don’t sign ANY free agents.
ELAINE: Steve, I thought your whole thing was you were rich and you sign free agents. Why does everyone go to the Dodgers?
STEVE: Well, to be fair, David’s running baseball. I’ve been in casino meetings all morning.
JERRY: Ah yes, the old “I was distracted by roulette” defense.
ELAINE: So you had no idea your closer was heading to Los Angeles?
STEVE: I don’t micromanage!
JERRY: Apparently you don’t macromanage either?
KRAMER: That’s why free agents love Los Angeles, Steve. Organization! Vision! A plan!
Door swings open — Newman storms in, furious.
NEWMAN: THIS IS A DISGRACE!
JERRY: Hello, Newman.
NEWMAN: How does a team with no pitching last year trade away its best reliever?!
STEVE: It’s not a trade — it’s a….a….
JERRY: Failure? So let me understand this. You had no pitching. Now you have less pitching.
STEVE: We’re reallocating assets.
NEWMAN: You reallocated them to the Dodgers!
KRAMER: That’s what winners do, Newman.
STEVE: Look, David assured me this improves long-term flexibility.
JERRY: Flexibility? You just stiffened the Dodgers bullpen.
KRAMER: They’re loaded now. Ohtani. Freeman. Yamamoto. Diaz. It’s beautiful, Jerry. Like a baseball symphony.
ELAINE: Meanwhile the Mets are playing the triangle.
JERRY: Yeah, but at least there’s a casino. Hey Steve, is there gonna be a comedy club at this thing? I could use a few extra gigs…
Steve’s phone rings. He checks it.
STEVE: It’s David.
(answers)
Yeah?
Uh-huh…
Wait — what?
Pancakes?
(hangs up)
JERRY: Don’t tell me.
STEVE: Pete Alonso is having pancakes with the Red Sox.
NEWMAN: PANCAKES?!
ELAINE: That’s not casual. Pancakes are serious.
JERRY: Yeah, nobody defects over oatmeal.
STEVE: I don’t understand this league anymore.
NEWMAN: You understand it just fine. Everyone’s getting better…..…except you.