The Mets Police

A white flashes at Point72 Capital.  Suddenly, a man appears.

He speaks!  In your own paltry, limited way. You have no *idea* how far you still have to go. But instead of using the last year to change and to grow, you have squandered it.

The man calls himself Q, and he offers the Mets a way forward, if only HE can run the organization.

I offer my services as President of Baseball Operations. I know that you’re probably asking yourself, “Why would a brilliant, handsome, dashingly omnipotent being like Q want to run a baseball team?”  I am here to show you there are ways forward.

Q snaps his fingers and suddenly it is last week.  Q answers the phone and signs Noah Syndergaard to a one year deal.

See Steve, that wasn’t so hard.  If only you had hired someone to answer Noah Syndergaard’s phone calls last week, he might still be here.

Steve erupts!  “Q, even if you have been able to bring me back in time somehow, surely you must realize that any alteration in this timeline will have a profound impact on the future.”

That’s the idea Steve.  I could have a tremendous impact on your future.  If only someone had answered the phone, imagine what we could have accomplished.  Now, do you want me to run your baseball team or not….

Steve will have none of this!  He dismisses Q.  With a flash of light Q is gone.  And another wasted season goes by.

Will Q become head of baseball operations? No.

 

 

Maybe all the Mets need is someone who can keep track of the pitch counts.

deGrom takes the mound.  Vun!  Two!  Vree!  Vour!  Vive!  All the way until 100 at which point he brings in whatever pitcher the accountants told him to bring in.

The Count has ties to the team having worked with Keith Hernandez and Mookie Wilson in the past (perhaps Mookie can return as a coach)

Unfortunately, the Count may be too stringent with his pitch counts and not have any “feel” for the game, such as letting deGrom finish the inning at 103 pitches.

Will The Count manage the Mets? No.

Well although he has been my #1 follower, it is time to part ways with Noah Syndergaard.

I am quite serious when I say I want ALL the Mets gone.  I cannot forgive the Mets for either booing the fans or saying NOTHING when their teammates booed the fans.  That includes Thor (always one to know where twitter was when he wanted to cuckold Mr. Met) and it includes Vulgar Pete and it even includes deGrom.  I want them ALL gone.

On the baseball side –

If someone ever offers you $21,000,000 say yes.

If someone offers you $21,000,000 when you haven’t (really) pitched in two years, say yes.

The Angels are fools to give someone who hasn’t (really) pitched in two years $21,000,000

As much as we like to LOL Mets, the Mets were smart in not paying $21,000,000

It’s harder to be “Thor” and get endorsements and TV show invites in Anaheim.

If someone pays you $21,000,000 you don’t need to worry about endorsements and TV shows.

I don’t know who these other mystery teams were but they are also fools.

That the Mets weren’t given a chance to counter is interesting. Does NOBODY want to work for Uncle Steve the benevolent billionaire who likes twitter?

Anyway, you were silent when the fans needed you.  BE GONE!

Hey Mets, maybe you don’t have the best pitcher in baseball, maybe you have the 23rd best pitcher in baseball.  Also don’t let him throw 100 in March, that was stupid.

And who is Zack Wheeler? What kind of idiots would give THAT guy a contract?

Maybe what the Mets are looking for is someone who knows nothing about baseball and will just let the players play.  Someone who is good with the media and gets along with guys named Tim.

Ted Lasso has proven himself to be successful in two sports, and I am sure he’d love to come home to the States to be a little closer to his son.  He’s also used to dealing with guys like Roy Kent so I am sure he can handle Pete Alonso.

Thanks to Scott Rogers for the suggestion, but unfortunately the Mets don’t have a General Manager or even an owner who likes cookies biscuits so there isn’t anyone to hire Ted.  Unless of course Steve likes cookies biscuits.

Will Ted Lasso manage the Mets? No.